[originally posted 10/18/2005]

I hope she meant it, I'm never quite sure, it wasn't innuendo or even particularly earthshattering, but she said I was family. It was just matter of fact. My senses didn't detect any falsehood or anything, but it still shocks me. I may honestly be getting a real place to be again. To not be lonely again. I wonder if he feels the same way or if it's just her. I mean I envy them, and maybe even love them. But to be accepted so easily makes me look for the hidden blaster.

*sigh* I've been at this too long..... I'm tired. And I'm overthinking.

Tonight Ky did something extremely stupid. He got three of our troopers killed doing it. Meeting C to find some kind of book, he's truly an idiot. I lost it, I wanted to shove the feel of them dying down his throat, show him the stupidity of any kind of trust. But then again I would have done the same thing. I just wouldn't have left first.

*sigh* I need a warm bed.... preferably with someone in it.