~Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
[This was mostly written by Synla, who I love writing with, *hugs*, but that explains the wierd section of third person. Enjoy the guest writing.]
The flows move where they will... I can only do my best. I got the package from Colin today...
I remember that I got on the comm that day with some trepedation. The memory almost outside personal experience....
“I have need of your skills.”
“Wonderful... Where can I meet you for details?”
I quietly said, “You pick the place, but somewhere private..... The details are.... unique.”
“Alright, Um… I have a home on Tatooine -it is very remote.”
“Sure, your husband won't be there? I don't care if he knows what you're doing, but me as a source.... not wise”.
“No, he is not here. He’s working today.”
“Good, be there shortly.”
I could tell she had scurried around the small living room in a failed attempt to gather her son’s many scattered toys. It was to no avail as he, amused it seemed, watched her put away his toys. Every time she turned her back, he took another one out and placed it on the floor beside him.
“Welcome,” She said as she allowed him to pass security and into her home. The tall and tan Zabrak entered.
“Hey beautiful,” Noel kissed her cheek. A slight scent of a death stick lingered about him. Noel knelt down and offered Nollyn a new toy.
"Hi Noel." She smiled and watched her son put the offered toy straight into his mouth, "Have a good trip?"
Noel chuckled, “Yes. I took the fast One - it's a kick to fly.”
She smiled glad he had a good trip. She swept a chair free of toys and offered him a place to sit.
"Eerr make yourself comfortable, can I get you anything?"
Noelyci settled into the offered chair. “Whatever you have is fine.” He pulled something from his pants’ pocket. He proceeded to dangle the object to catch Nollyn’s attention. A familiar and ever present mirth twinkled in Noel’s eyes.
“Glad he's healthy”, he commented, “Everything good?"
Nollyn crawled over to Noel. His little hands gripped Noel's pant leg to pull himself up into a standing position. He intently reached for the dangling object. Synla returned with spiced tea. With an eye on her son, she sat the glass on an end table beside Noel. Content, she sat down in the chair opposite Noel.
"Nollyn's good and teething. We have many sleepless nights"
Noel offered a smile. “What I have for you to do.... I'm not sure you should be away from him.”
She looked at Nollyn and then toward Noel. "Is it dangerous?”
“Probably and you'll need to tap Nut's contacts.”
She frowned. “What Contacts?”
Nollyn wobbled as he lunged for the shiny object. His diaper emitted a big whooshing sound as it cushioned his bottom's fall.
“In the military,” Noel simply stated as he offered Nollyn a finger to aid his efforts to stand again.
"He won't help me."
Nollyn grabbed the finger and sprang to his feet again.
“Doesn't mean you can't find out,” Noel paused, “Here's what I need. “ He slid the image across the table toward her. “There's a message embedded in the back of one. They were only given to high ranking Imperials.”
She looked at the image. She tapped at it, "I've seen one of these- at the Imperial Outpost on Dantooine. It's behind a desk of an unpleasant Imperial"
“There are about 500 of them I think,” Noel added.
Synla took the image into her hands, "Hmm. Sounds like a prized possession"
“Probably.... it's not important that I actually have it but the embedded disk... “
Synla scratched at her Lek. She stuck a foot out to balance her wobbling son. “Eeerrr. Why wouldn't the disk already be removed from these paintings?”
Noelyci tossed something the size of a credit on the table
“It's that small and covered in paint on the back. Probably not even noticed.
"So- just the disk, eh? Doesn't make sense for the people to have them and not know of them"
Noelyci leaned closer to her and whispered, “There's only one and they didn't put it there.”
Synla chuckled thinking she finally understood him, “Oh! You mean the Rebellion fabricated these paintings?"
“No. I mean one of my sources stuck something that I need found in one of them.”
Synla nodded. She bit her lip a moment while studying the image.
"I see,” she mumbled, “This is going to be tricky especially with a desk jockey guarding it."
“The Dantooine one may not be the right one.”
“Shit,” she groaned, “where are the others located?"
Synla reached over and plucked Nollyn up from Noel's side. She bounced him on her knee a few times. Nollyn's laughter sprung out disrupting their collaboration.
“That's why I'm hiring you.” Noel smiled at her. “I don't know everything despite my reputation.”
Synla wiped the drool from Nollyn's mouth Satisfied with the cleaner appearance; she sits Nollyn on the floor to play again. She offered him the BARC toy that would hopefully occupy him.
"Sounds a long term job"
Noel shrugged and added, “You know I pay well.”
Synla smirked, her last jobs hadn’t paid her well, and “You do?”
Synla pressed her lips together. A thought tugged at her mind. She could use the money to help her family. "Ooh how much is your pay for this job?"
“What do you need?”
“Preferably, A few billions credits." She hopefully smiled.
Noel laughed and countered her offer, “If you find it I'll pay you a million creds. No problem. This should help with expenses for now.” He tossed a couple hundred thousand credits on the end table.
: She looked at the credits and then to her son. "Alright, you sure you don’t have a list of possible locations?" The thought raced through her mind: Nuterr's going to kill me.
“No. I didn't even know of the one you mentioned. I figured you were in a 'unique' position to find out.” Noel pushed a data log toward her, “Nut's commanding officer received one.”
“Commanding officer? He doesn't talk about the war!"
Noel frowned. “I thought you knew. He's showing up on reports or someone like him is.’
"No, you're crew failed me, remember?" She retorted as she leaned back in her chair. A deep scowl set in on her face.
“They do that sometimes,” Noel gently began, “I'm not sure it's him. But even if he is retired, he still knows people. There has to be records somewhere.”
"Nut wouldn't help you or anyone, really. And definitely not to aid the Rebellion" She gets up from her chair as she grows unsure of what to do with herself.
Noelyci quieted his voice, “Who said this was for the rebellion? My interests are my own.”
Synla’s nervous hand harassed her lekku. She paced back and forth skillfully dodging random toys. Nollyn pulled the speeder toy from his mouth. He gave a loud and firm squawk in question.
Noel tried to comfort her. “I'm not asking you to betray him Syn.. I wouldn't do that.”
“I didn't accuse you of doing it," She turned her back to him. Her shoulders scrunched up against her neck. "I'll need a few days to research."
“Aye,” he confirmed, “it looks like the little one is hungry.” He stooped to scoop Nollyn in his arms. The chubby twi’lek baby giggled loudly as he handed him to her. “I'm sorry they failed Syn. Perhaps this path will lead you to the answers you need anyway.” He kissed her cheek.
She patted her son’s diaper. "Yeah. So goes that ancient saying if you want something done, you've got to do it yourself."
Noel added on his way out with a smile, “With the help of your friends.... even if their employees don't carry through.”
Colin's voice brought me back.... I hate it when I remember like that... Of course, the flows showed that she had to be active to make sure Nut came out on the other side in some form other then monsterous.... beyond that I cannot see. And she saved several forcesensitive orphans such as myself with this list. But I cannot get ahold of her now, and the money hasn't moved out of the escrow account. I wonder if Nut can find out I hired her.... if that happens...
"Colin, check that the reserve blasters are charged please."
Heritage...
Published Wednesday, July 12, 2006.
[Noel is meditating, teaching his student/friend Shalis shortly after the death of his Gran. They speak mostly through telepathic link, not breaking the still night air in the mountains of Talus.]
"I haven't been sleeping more then a couple hours a night... Devia's been on my case about it too."
Why? I thought I was the only person who used to run myself ragged like that.
Because.... the flows, the learning, my agents.... it's what is required.
I see...
I must have been more tired then I thought because I offered to show her something I'd only ever shown Devia, Would you like to? I think you can handle it, would you like to see what I see?
The offer is tempting...but you're still tired...are you certain?
Aye, I'm actually holding it back at this point..... less energy to show you.
All right, yes.
I dropped my barriers, trying to transmit both a voiceover and what I could see...
Here's you..... tied to me.... tied to Devia, stronger cuz of the healing, tied to synla, tied to gutts, Sy. tied to N. where the trail is cloudy, backing up along the path it is obvious that Sy.'s little boy is force sensitive whether she wants to believe it or not and will be strong in mind and ability...here's Devia, strongly tied to me, but the healing ties her to Shal as well.... our old friends in the service.... undercover, in hiding, protected by my efforts, here's T, the inquisitor, chasing Z...... who won't let me hide her.... and endangers my goddaughter....
I lost breath then, the voiceover fading to the background, but from what I understand I was still saying every name, random data from slices and reports enters, it becomes a river and the colored flows representing what I thought was mine to protect and guard is mapped, analyzed, futures attempted to be predicted, pasts considered while I sat in a bubble and floats with it
She watched, feeling herself sway as she took it all in. It was so much, too much, she wasn't used to view the flow, the connections like this. To her credit she managed to stay on her feet, and to not panic as the information came more quickly, and the web got larger, dancing outward.
I spoke across the link softly, It's alright, it isn't yours.... it's mine.... but this is what I see, eyes open or closed.
You can deal with it? If she'd been speaking her voice would have been breathless
What other choice is there? Until there is another seer.... the burden is mine.... I have people who help me share it.... like devia.... and you.
I've...never seen the flow this way Noel...I...see...auric impressions...they guide me in combat...and..when I'm with you and the others help me to keep up...that's incredible....but such a burden.
My gran had it worse.... 200 years waiting for a successor. It isn't meant for one.... and it won't be just mine forever, but for now....
...you bear it.
Aye....But watch.... I showed her that since she was helping Sy. I don't have to watch as closely, letting it fade, still there but not focused on. You should know, you're one of only a handful that my gift recognizes as acting the same as I..... that it sees you as one of my hands....
Master Dahl always believed my gifts lay along the lines of healing perhaps in another time...I think you are right.
I don't expect you to understand the flow, or take any part of it.... it's more like it was my hand taking care of synla, and the gift recognizes that she's ok.... that she dosen't have to be present in the analyzed flow.
But to understand it...to preserve at least...some of the ways of those who came before me...to learn...this is what I do Noel...if not heal...then this.
This is very very old shal..... older then the jedi.... let me show you the deep past....Once the jedi considered the gift of foresight, and the seers as valid parts of the order.... even though they needed emotional attachments to see and guide the flows. As time went on their was a prophecy.... concerning a balance... which I believe was made by my predesecors..... and it scared the order. Not the prophecy, but the seer's saying that the balance would swing away from the wars they had been fighting the whole time they existed.
That it would swing away? Hm...Away from the conflicts that have plagued the jedi order for millenia? How could this be a bad thing?
Not away from the conflicts, away from the power base.... to reduce their growing power, their false dichotomy. Towards what they termed the 'dark side" The seers were marginalized over their understanding of the prophecy, of it's inevitability, their view that the teaching methods which gave the order power needed to be modifyed. And since they were never considered knights, or anything other then guests.... they drifted away, back home, back to the clans. To teach their sons and daughters..... until my Gran was the last..... Her daughter, my mother.... would have been the future... Gran had waited 120 years, clinging to life, for my mother to find her Tai Shan..... a family requirement for becoming a seer. My mother did.... and concieved me..... before her and my father were caught running from the imperials and killed.....
I barely felt her hand on mine, urging me to continue.
So gran took her hiding spot, which she saw the need for years before.... hooked herself up to lifesupport machines, and continued another 80 or 90 years past the birth of her successor.... for me.... ....she couldn't take me in.... the flows told her not to..... I don't know why. And then she waited until I found my Tai Shan.... before passing on.... the gift and to the next life
I think...I understand...at least a bit...we led two very different lives up until we met...Why else would the Dahls have left?
I understand.... though I don't understand as well.... but it's very incomplete... almost none of the training was written down, as each seer was different... There's a ton of archives in Gran's hideaway, but most of it is informational, not related to the practice, but reports of ship movement, slices into things.... suplemental data for the flows she monitored for over 200 years.
Wow...if I may note....some of the best training comes from experience...and word of mouth...it was why the jedi set up a master, apprentice ranking...if I am understanding correctly.
Aye.... very true So.... well.... I don't know that you are a seer Shalis.... It seems different to me.... but I know you're one of mine to protect.And I thank you for the friendship and learning you let me do by teaching you.
And I thank you...sometimes I'm not certain what I am either Noel...I don't think I've quite discovered it yet...though...I do still love to heal others...I'm glad we met, truly.
I began to laugh, I see a long time period before you find your version of a Tai Shan.... *laughing, teasing you
Devia wondered what I did to make her blush so hard as she walked up behind us.....
"I haven't been sleeping more then a couple hours a night... Devia's been on my case about it too."
Why? I thought I was the only person who used to run myself ragged like that.
Because.... the flows, the learning, my agents.... it's what is required.
I see...
I must have been more tired then I thought because I offered to show her something I'd only ever shown Devia, Would you like to? I think you can handle it, would you like to see what I see?
The offer is tempting...but you're still tired...are you certain?
Aye, I'm actually holding it back at this point..... less energy to show you.
All right, yes.
I dropped my barriers, trying to transmit both a voiceover and what I could see...
Here's you..... tied to me.... tied to Devia, stronger cuz of the healing, tied to synla, tied to gutts, Sy. tied to N. where the trail is cloudy, backing up along the path it is obvious that Sy.'s little boy is force sensitive whether she wants to believe it or not and will be strong in mind and ability...here's Devia, strongly tied to me, but the healing ties her to Shal as well.... our old friends in the service.... undercover, in hiding, protected by my efforts, here's T, the inquisitor, chasing Z...... who won't let me hide her.... and endangers my goddaughter....
I lost breath then, the voiceover fading to the background, but from what I understand I was still saying every name, random data from slices and reports enters, it becomes a river and the colored flows representing what I thought was mine to protect and guard is mapped, analyzed, futures attempted to be predicted, pasts considered while I sat in a bubble and floats with it
She watched, feeling herself sway as she took it all in. It was so much, too much, she wasn't used to view the flow, the connections like this. To her credit she managed to stay on her feet, and to not panic as the information came more quickly, and the web got larger, dancing outward.
I spoke across the link softly, It's alright, it isn't yours.... it's mine.... but this is what I see, eyes open or closed.
You can deal with it? If she'd been speaking her voice would have been breathless
What other choice is there? Until there is another seer.... the burden is mine.... I have people who help me share it.... like devia.... and you.
I've...never seen the flow this way Noel...I...see...auric impressions...they guide me in combat...and..when I'm with you and the others help me to keep up...that's incredible....but such a burden.
My gran had it worse.... 200 years waiting for a successor. It isn't meant for one.... and it won't be just mine forever, but for now....
...you bear it.
Aye....But watch.... I showed her that since she was helping Sy. I don't have to watch as closely, letting it fade, still there but not focused on. You should know, you're one of only a handful that my gift recognizes as acting the same as I..... that it sees you as one of my hands....
Master Dahl always believed my gifts lay along the lines of healing perhaps in another time...I think you are right.
I don't expect you to understand the flow, or take any part of it.... it's more like it was my hand taking care of synla, and the gift recognizes that she's ok.... that she dosen't have to be present in the analyzed flow.
But to understand it...to preserve at least...some of the ways of those who came before me...to learn...this is what I do Noel...if not heal...then this.
This is very very old shal..... older then the jedi.... let me show you the deep past....Once the jedi considered the gift of foresight, and the seers as valid parts of the order.... even though they needed emotional attachments to see and guide the flows. As time went on their was a prophecy.... concerning a balance... which I believe was made by my predesecors..... and it scared the order. Not the prophecy, but the seer's saying that the balance would swing away from the wars they had been fighting the whole time they existed.
That it would swing away? Hm...Away from the conflicts that have plagued the jedi order for millenia? How could this be a bad thing?
Not away from the conflicts, away from the power base.... to reduce their growing power, their false dichotomy. Towards what they termed the 'dark side" The seers were marginalized over their understanding of the prophecy, of it's inevitability, their view that the teaching methods which gave the order power needed to be modifyed. And since they were never considered knights, or anything other then guests.... they drifted away, back home, back to the clans. To teach their sons and daughters..... until my Gran was the last..... Her daughter, my mother.... would have been the future... Gran had waited 120 years, clinging to life, for my mother to find her Tai Shan..... a family requirement for becoming a seer. My mother did.... and concieved me..... before her and my father were caught running from the imperials and killed.....
I barely felt her hand on mine, urging me to continue.
So gran took her hiding spot, which she saw the need for years before.... hooked herself up to lifesupport machines, and continued another 80 or 90 years past the birth of her successor.... for me.... ....she couldn't take me in.... the flows told her not to..... I don't know why. And then she waited until I found my Tai Shan.... before passing on.... the gift and to the next life
I think...I understand...at least a bit...we led two very different lives up until we met...Why else would the Dahls have left?
I understand.... though I don't understand as well.... but it's very incomplete... almost none of the training was written down, as each seer was different... There's a ton of archives in Gran's hideaway, but most of it is informational, not related to the practice, but reports of ship movement, slices into things.... suplemental data for the flows she monitored for over 200 years.
Wow...if I may note....some of the best training comes from experience...and word of mouth...it was why the jedi set up a master, apprentice ranking...if I am understanding correctly.
Aye.... very true So.... well.... I don't know that you are a seer Shalis.... It seems different to me.... but I know you're one of mine to protect.And I thank you for the friendship and learning you let me do by teaching you.
And I thank you...sometimes I'm not certain what I am either Noel...I don't think I've quite discovered it yet...though...I do still love to heal others...I'm glad we met, truly.
I began to laugh, I see a long time period before you find your version of a Tai Shan.... *laughing, teasing you
Devia wondered what I did to make her blush so hard as she walked up behind us.....
Corupted Data...
Published Tuesday, May 02, 2006.
[Much has happened, Noel is back in system after attending to his Grandmother's last days.]
Damn.... all that data is corrupted.... ah well, some semi quick updates....
Z. was with K. again when I came back briefly.... she put the kids in danger so I told her until she shaped up I wasn't going to allow her to put them before herself. It broke her heart but she did some hard thinking and seems to be back together so they have been reunited.
Colin is doing quite well as a pilot, though he does cantina crawls in Eisley almost every night.... supposedly for recruitment....
Nico is buried in the training for the Emperor's personal wing of Pilots.... so I don't hear much from him, nobody does.
Devia and I went to attend to Gran in her last days, and I think I have that report, just need to upload it....
Damn.... all that data is corrupted.... ah well, some semi quick updates....
Z. was with K. again when I came back briefly.... she put the kids in danger so I told her until she shaped up I wasn't going to allow her to put them before herself. It broke her heart but she did some hard thinking and seems to be back together so they have been reunited.
Colin is doing quite well as a pilot, though he does cantina crawls in Eisley almost every night.... supposedly for recruitment....
Nico is buried in the training for the Emperor's personal wing of Pilots.... so I don't hear much from him, nobody does.
Devia and I went to attend to Gran in her last days, and I think I have that report, just need to upload it....
Your Presence is Demanded.
Published Wednesday, March 15, 2006.
[Noel's godchildren have been threatened. He's picking them up and escaping, which coincides with a summons by his semi-estranged grandmother.]
One nice thing about the independant spirit of dantooine is that I didn't need to hide my approach as I landed. Colin was sleeping in the back and I didn't bother waking him. I was pretty sure this was the last bit of flying I'd be able to do for a while. Z. wouldn't tell me who was threatening the kids... probably because she knows I'd tear the place apart tracking them down. Dosen't matter... tactically B. is a good man and he'll follow the intel where I can't. I hated leaving Devia, but I'm not sure where this is taking me and I can't risk her being held by my blood relatives as yet more leverage against me... she made me promise to give her a day without the troubles of the war when I get back... "An idea to keep you warm out in the rim," she said, "and to make you hurry back." Hurry back I will...
Gran summoned me to actually meet her. Demanded really, though it was couched in formal language from a century ago. It will be the first time I meet her face to face. The contact I've had with the clans has always been a bit strained as my family has removed themselves from Iridonia. I claimed the titles of my parents, but never had the legitimacy that a blood elder could give me. Now I have found that the eldest of my clan is a manipulative, aging, calculating crone that has pulled the strings since long before my parents died. Nicolye says she's pushing 220 cycles, three times the average life expectancy of our kind... if true I wonder what price she's paid for that. I tried to record her holo the last time she contacted me... but the encryption level was like nothing I'd ever seen, and I've sliced the best. They've given us a berth...
The sky is dark, which is appropriate... Z. handed over the young one, the eight year old picked up on the mood but was happy to see Colin again. I think he sees more flying lessons in his future. I quietly offered to put all three of them on The Crucible and go use the tactics the Alliance taught me when I was young, but she silenced me quietly, thanked me and watched us take off. A few weeks in the debris field... I'll come back in my fighter if I can. She trusts Colin enough that I can probably leave them in his care once they are comfortable. But the difficulties with my Gran mean I have to make sure of where his loyalties lie. I won't put E. in danger of being manipulated either.
The nursery droids are on board.... she watched the whole time, barely responding to my assurances and the kiss on her cheek.
Mentally I said, "I'll keep them safe, sis.... always."
One nice thing about the independant spirit of dantooine is that I didn't need to hide my approach as I landed. Colin was sleeping in the back and I didn't bother waking him. I was pretty sure this was the last bit of flying I'd be able to do for a while. Z. wouldn't tell me who was threatening the kids... probably because she knows I'd tear the place apart tracking them down. Dosen't matter... tactically B. is a good man and he'll follow the intel where I can't. I hated leaving Devia, but I'm not sure where this is taking me and I can't risk her being held by my blood relatives as yet more leverage against me... she made me promise to give her a day without the troubles of the war when I get back... "An idea to keep you warm out in the rim," she said, "and to make you hurry back." Hurry back I will...
Gran summoned me to actually meet her. Demanded really, though it was couched in formal language from a century ago. It will be the first time I meet her face to face. The contact I've had with the clans has always been a bit strained as my family has removed themselves from Iridonia. I claimed the titles of my parents, but never had the legitimacy that a blood elder could give me. Now I have found that the eldest of my clan is a manipulative, aging, calculating crone that has pulled the strings since long before my parents died. Nicolye says she's pushing 220 cycles, three times the average life expectancy of our kind... if true I wonder what price she's paid for that. I tried to record her holo the last time she contacted me... but the encryption level was like nothing I'd ever seen, and I've sliced the best. They've given us a berth...
The sky is dark, which is appropriate... Z. handed over the young one, the eight year old picked up on the mood but was happy to see Colin again. I think he sees more flying lessons in his future. I quietly offered to put all three of them on The Crucible and go use the tactics the Alliance taught me when I was young, but she silenced me quietly, thanked me and watched us take off. A few weeks in the debris field... I'll come back in my fighter if I can. She trusts Colin enough that I can probably leave them in his care once they are comfortable. But the difficulties with my Gran mean I have to make sure of where his loyalties lie. I won't put E. in danger of being manipulated either.
The nursery droids are on board.... she watched the whole time, barely responding to my assurances and the kiss on her cheek.
Mentally I said, "I'll keep them safe, sis.... always."
Listening...
Published Wednesday, March 08, 2006.
[Noelyci is talking telepathically to Sh., A friend and sometime student who has lost her vision on her recent adventures and is recovering in a village on Dathomir.]
I went back to Dathomir, I had sensed Sh. when I was in the middle of rescuing I. with Devia. It was time to check in with her, I had the impression she was safe but it's always best to follow up. Piloting the small unmarked fighter through the Imperial interdiction was no problem... was actually relaxing to use those skills again.
I set up camp in a small clearing... near the old cleansed Jedi shrine Z. had shown me so many years ago... the one I showed Sh. to tie to if she needed more energy.
The link was weak.... she was drawing from her reserves rather then the flow.
"I'm not getting visual impressions... are you hurt? I've missed our chats, do you need a hand?"
"Noel? Not hurt... was poisoned. I'm safe... but I don't know where I am... I can't see."
I hope the vision didn't destroy her eyes... she had beautiful piercing eyes... the kind that held compassion until they couldn't anymore.
"Time to learn to see another way Sh. The way you showed me with your toy... if you can feel each grain of sand in the little globe then you can tell me where you are."
The connection faded away for awhile... although I could still feel the effort. She let me know that she was in a village. There were good impressions near her... people who were taking care of her. And a uniquely bright source of the force... a little girl... young woman really... full of curiosity and concern...
"I do think I'm safe Noel..."
"I have some quick advice, the snowflakes are moving in on this camping spot... Dath has an interesting affect that I'll leave you to discover... but mind the balance... and listen for the trees. I'll come get you when I can and you're ready, or send someone I trust."
She gave me a final warning to pass on to G. concerning the one who poisoned her. I think it surprised her when I offered to remove the problem permanently. It surprises many when they find out I'm willing to remove people without a second thought. But honestly it is what I've been trained to do. I spent my life living in the shadows. Being in the light is something new. I will take it on as a method of balance, it cannot be personal to me... it never was. I don't mind being the instrument that allows them to maintain their own balance, avoid their own use of skills in anger, As long as it's necessary.
Listening to the trees on Dathomir is an interesting experience... hard to describe because they don't talk to everyone, and they don't say the same things to everyone. They exist as a kind of historical record of the flow... recording the force and its fluctuations as they record the amount of moisture in the rings of their trunks. The thing I've learned from them is that the balance always returns. It may take many lifetimes to do so, but it is a pendulum that swings... a scale that tips. There are trees here, twisted by their proximity to the hate and evil that exists in large pockets... but then there are trees here twisted by their proximity to passive thought as well. Taken as a whole the forests of Dathomir tell a story and epic that few ever get the chance to understand...
I went back to Dathomir, I had sensed Sh. when I was in the middle of rescuing I. with Devia. It was time to check in with her, I had the impression she was safe but it's always best to follow up. Piloting the small unmarked fighter through the Imperial interdiction was no problem... was actually relaxing to use those skills again.
I set up camp in a small clearing... near the old cleansed Jedi shrine Z. had shown me so many years ago... the one I showed Sh. to tie to if she needed more energy.
The link was weak.... she was drawing from her reserves rather then the flow.
"I'm not getting visual impressions... are you hurt? I've missed our chats, do you need a hand?"
"Noel? Not hurt... was poisoned. I'm safe... but I don't know where I am... I can't see."
I hope the vision didn't destroy her eyes... she had beautiful piercing eyes... the kind that held compassion until they couldn't anymore.
"Time to learn to see another way Sh. The way you showed me with your toy... if you can feel each grain of sand in the little globe then you can tell me where you are."
The connection faded away for awhile... although I could still feel the effort. She let me know that she was in a village. There were good impressions near her... people who were taking care of her. And a uniquely bright source of the force... a little girl... young woman really... full of curiosity and concern...
"I do think I'm safe Noel..."
"I have some quick advice, the snowflakes are moving in on this camping spot... Dath has an interesting affect that I'll leave you to discover... but mind the balance... and listen for the trees. I'll come get you when I can and you're ready, or send someone I trust."
She gave me a final warning to pass on to G. concerning the one who poisoned her. I think it surprised her when I offered to remove the problem permanently. It surprises many when they find out I'm willing to remove people without a second thought. But honestly it is what I've been trained to do. I spent my life living in the shadows. Being in the light is something new. I will take it on as a method of balance, it cannot be personal to me... it never was. I don't mind being the instrument that allows them to maintain their own balance, avoid their own use of skills in anger, As long as it's necessary.
Listening to the trees on Dathomir is an interesting experience... hard to describe because they don't talk to everyone, and they don't say the same things to everyone. They exist as a kind of historical record of the flow... recording the force and its fluctuations as they record the amount of moisture in the rings of their trunks. The thing I've learned from them is that the balance always returns. It may take many lifetimes to do so, but it is a pendulum that swings... a scale that tips. There are trees here, twisted by their proximity to the hate and evil that exists in large pockets... but then there are trees here twisted by their proximity to passive thought as well. Taken as a whole the forests of Dathomir tell a story and epic that few ever get the chance to understand...
Jailbreak
Published Sunday, February 26, 2006.
[Noleyci and Devia are breaking out a gifted child, taken by the Imperial Inquisition because of his sensitivity to the force. B. is a rebel general, El. is a Jedi in the New Jedi Order.]
I remember the last time I was here... when I went on my rampage. The night I proposed to Devia. She's with me now... and they still stand no chance. We clouded their minds, crept up behind them, and ignited our sabers through their white armor. This in and of itself marks us as not part of the Jedi order. That we can kill so easily. But it is part of the balance, they took an innocent... they have to face the consequences.
B.'s team moved in smoothly behind us and the extraction went as planned. We left I. in a safehouse. El. will look in on him later... there is an affinity for the boy that may help is introduction back into this time, his memories repair...
I sensed someone before we began this operation... a 'student' and a friend of mine. She's hurt, but safe.... and this distraction should stop any pursuit. Nothing like killing two birds with one saber thrust.
I remember the last time I was here... when I went on my rampage. The night I proposed to Devia. She's with me now... and they still stand no chance. We clouded their minds, crept up behind them, and ignited our sabers through their white armor. This in and of itself marks us as not part of the Jedi order. That we can kill so easily. But it is part of the balance, they took an innocent... they have to face the consequences.
B.'s team moved in smoothly behind us and the extraction went as planned. We left I. in a safehouse. El. will look in on him later... there is an affinity for the boy that may help is introduction back into this time, his memories repair...
I sensed someone before we began this operation... a 'student' and a friend of mine. She's hurt, but safe.... and this distraction should stop any pursuit. Nothing like killing two birds with one saber thrust.
Like a child...
Published Tuesday, February 21, 2006.
[Noelyci's adopted sister is residing in Amethyst Vale on Dantooine, a town under the watch of the Imperial Garrison - whose commander has been engineered to hunt down and eliminate Jedi.]
He called her Mother. How bad has his life been that he called her that just because she was kind? He has memories of the destruction of the temple and the slaughtering of the younglings... something nobody should know about, and he has a large affinity for the force. That alone would make him worth talking to, but now he's been taken by the Imperial's. B has lent his support but Devia and I are preparing to walk into the Imperial Prison to break him out, if he is truly an innocent then he can't be corrupted by the Inquisition...
How does someone his age have memories as if they were still a child. This is either an elaborate trap or he is a gravely hurt victim. His name is I. I hope I can help... the path is uncertain with this child.
He called her Mother. How bad has his life been that he called her that just because she was kind? He has memories of the destruction of the temple and the slaughtering of the younglings... something nobody should know about, and he has a large affinity for the force. That alone would make him worth talking to, but now he's been taken by the Imperial's. B has lent his support but Devia and I are preparing to walk into the Imperial Prison to break him out, if he is truly an innocent then he can't be corrupted by the Inquisition...
How does someone his age have memories as if they were still a child. This is either an elaborate trap or he is a gravely hurt victim. His name is I. I hope I can help... the path is uncertain with this child.
Marks
Published Monday, February 13, 2006.
Her hands are beautiful... hell... all of her is beautiful. But I watched her hands trace some of my scars... her fingertips and mind absorbing where I got each one. None in our adventures of the night, though she had a few... I know she is learning everything about me. Each mark on my skin and the story it tells. I wanted to tell her that she had healed much about the marks left on my heart. Made me more confident, more sure that I had something to fight for. When I opened my mouth to say it she traced my lips with her fingertips. She already knew... spoken across the mindlink without me even realizing it.
I love watching Devia work... she wields the sabre like she did the pike. Dancing in and out of danger, almost never taking a hit, demolishing things with power and ferocity unrestrained. She is a hunter... like her cats. The grace in meeting the objective, power in pushing herself to the limit against something that only wants destruction. Single minded, living in the moment, gorgeous to watch.
I used to jump in when she was fighting, trying to protect her and take the blows myself.... stupid of me really, though my intentions were good. I've earned some of my marks from doing that. However, it really was arrogance on my part not to step to the side and help her rather then trying to take her objective... It's not wise to get between the huntress and her prey. She never mentioned anything, but I noticed she could take care of herself, and me. That gave me the ability to more accurately gauge when we should take things on together, and when she could just be watched....
Watching her is a thrill to me... I can't describe the feeling accurately. Listening to her through the mindlink, watching her spot weaknesses with finesse and technique I wouldn't have noticed. Our styles are quite different in some ways. Her doublebladed sabre moving more like a pike and my one handed blade built for speed and deception. To those watching I'm sure it looks like I'm faster in technique but the majority of mine are feints and deceptions.... working from the shadows and trying to influence the mind of my opponent. She finds openings I don't see, that they can't close... every hit striking something.... leaving a mark.
She's left a mark on me... and I on her... but this one isn't a scar... it's something that proclaims ownership, partnership.... oneness. I'm proud to wear mine.
I love watching Devia work... she wields the sabre like she did the pike. Dancing in and out of danger, almost never taking a hit, demolishing things with power and ferocity unrestrained. She is a hunter... like her cats. The grace in meeting the objective, power in pushing herself to the limit against something that only wants destruction. Single minded, living in the moment, gorgeous to watch.
I used to jump in when she was fighting, trying to protect her and take the blows myself.... stupid of me really, though my intentions were good. I've earned some of my marks from doing that. However, it really was arrogance on my part not to step to the side and help her rather then trying to take her objective... It's not wise to get between the huntress and her prey. She never mentioned anything, but I noticed she could take care of herself, and me. That gave me the ability to more accurately gauge when we should take things on together, and when she could just be watched....
Watching her is a thrill to me... I can't describe the feeling accurately. Listening to her through the mindlink, watching her spot weaknesses with finesse and technique I wouldn't have noticed. Our styles are quite different in some ways. Her doublebladed sabre moving more like a pike and my one handed blade built for speed and deception. To those watching I'm sure it looks like I'm faster in technique but the majority of mine are feints and deceptions.... working from the shadows and trying to influence the mind of my opponent. She finds openings I don't see, that they can't close... every hit striking something.... leaving a mark.
She's left a mark on me... and I on her... but this one isn't a scar... it's something that proclaims ownership, partnership.... oneness. I'm proud to wear mine.
Friends...
Published Friday, February 10, 2006.
[Noleyci was raised in an Imperial Sponsored Orphanage when he was a child. The Jam is a weekly party at the River Bend cantina. B. is a semi-disgraced Jedi and Ji. is his wife.]
After last week's Jam I wasn't sure there was much left to just amuse me socially. So much of my life is filled with obligations, both self-imposed and as a duty to those I've recruited, that I thought there wasn't much left between my family and my enemy. But I discovered last night that there is a middle ground.
Devia and I took the time to show B. & Ji. her house near the River Bend. Ji. is working as a decorator and Devia wanted to show of her award winning sanctuary in Rielig. Ji. seemed to be quite impressed and it was great fun to play the doting husband role with B. while the girls did their thing. It was almost normal. She made a proposal to Devia about partnering up to decorate. I could feel the pleasure Devia had in the idea and I decided to hire the two of them to push it along. It would be truly wonderful if Devia found more friends... We went to the Gallery and I had a great time showing off my collection. Ji.'s lekku were going a mile a minute as she looked around. B. spent a great deal of time showing that his credits were going to be spent quite quickly... though the smile in his eyes showed the lie to his teasing.
It's strange to find myself enjoying the company of others who aren't my family. Devia and I may have found another couple we can spend time with as if there isn't a war on... though the reminder may come back. In the orphanage I didn't have time to make friends... or rather my friends were fooled by the masks I was already learning to wear. I've made a mistake of finding myself with only two types of people in my life. Family, who I am the shield and sabre for... or enemies. There is a third option. B. & Ji. can take care of themselves... they don't need me to take responsibility for thier safety... and if I choose to take on that obligation later then maybe that's the flow of the Force. But for now I can just have friends.
After last week's Jam I wasn't sure there was much left to just amuse me socially. So much of my life is filled with obligations, both self-imposed and as a duty to those I've recruited, that I thought there wasn't much left between my family and my enemy. But I discovered last night that there is a middle ground.
Devia and I took the time to show B. & Ji. her house near the River Bend. Ji. is working as a decorator and Devia wanted to show of her award winning sanctuary in Rielig. Ji. seemed to be quite impressed and it was great fun to play the doting husband role with B. while the girls did their thing. It was almost normal. She made a proposal to Devia about partnering up to decorate. I could feel the pleasure Devia had in the idea and I decided to hire the two of them to push it along. It would be truly wonderful if Devia found more friends... We went to the Gallery and I had a great time showing off my collection. Ji.'s lekku were going a mile a minute as she looked around. B. spent a great deal of time showing that his credits were going to be spent quite quickly... though the smile in his eyes showed the lie to his teasing.
It's strange to find myself enjoying the company of others who aren't my family. Devia and I may have found another couple we can spend time with as if there isn't a war on... though the reminder may come back. In the orphanage I didn't have time to make friends... or rather my friends were fooled by the masks I was already learning to wear. I've made a mistake of finding myself with only two types of people in my life. Family, who I am the shield and sabre for... or enemies. There is a third option. B. & Ji. can take care of themselves... they don't need me to take responsibility for thier safety... and if I choose to take on that obligation later then maybe that's the flow of the Force. But for now I can just have friends.
Paranoia & Prejudice...
Published Thursday, February 09, 2006.
[Noelyci is a force sensitive who has rejected the title of Jedi.]
It's been interesting going to the Jam as a patron rather then a security officer. I've enjoyed it for the most part. Although things have gotten a bit rougher I've noticed. Some other people noticed too last night. I agreed saying that a certain class of people seemed to cause the problems. Ky. heard me and wanted to show off so he got in my face and acted offended. He might truly have been but I wasn't talking about just him... I didn't understand why it so bothered him but then it struck me. He's afraid. He can't get past the fact that he dosen't understand something like the force and he's turned it into a prejudice that's destroyed his relationship with me... with his child's mother... with several he used to fight with...
I wonder sometimes why I still fight, I have plenty of money, agreements with all the residents around the mountains I want to call home... I could just fade away with my family and mask us all from sight. Nobody would step within several hundered clicks of my territory without being marked. The only thing that could cause problems would be bombardment from orbit, and that death would be quick and unavoidable anyway...
But it dosen't truly matter what a paranoid second rate smuggler thinks of me... I don't need his validation anymore, if I ever did. It does bode ill towards those of us blessed/cursed with the gift. I never really understood why people could call my sister 'witch' with such derision in their voice. Intellectually I could, but it never got to me the way it was intended. I worry for those younglings that come after me... it's possible they will become second class citizens like so many others.
There is a prejudice forming, born of jealousy and fear... that's why I can't fade into the mountains and ignore things.
It's been interesting going to the Jam as a patron rather then a security officer. I've enjoyed it for the most part. Although things have gotten a bit rougher I've noticed. Some other people noticed too last night. I agreed saying that a certain class of people seemed to cause the problems. Ky. heard me and wanted to show off so he got in my face and acted offended. He might truly have been but I wasn't talking about just him... I didn't understand why it so bothered him but then it struck me. He's afraid. He can't get past the fact that he dosen't understand something like the force and he's turned it into a prejudice that's destroyed his relationship with me... with his child's mother... with several he used to fight with...
I wonder sometimes why I still fight, I have plenty of money, agreements with all the residents around the mountains I want to call home... I could just fade away with my family and mask us all from sight. Nobody would step within several hundered clicks of my territory without being marked. The only thing that could cause problems would be bombardment from orbit, and that death would be quick and unavoidable anyway...
But it dosen't truly matter what a paranoid second rate smuggler thinks of me... I don't need his validation anymore, if I ever did. It does bode ill towards those of us blessed/cursed with the gift. I never really understood why people could call my sister 'witch' with such derision in their voice. Intellectually I could, but it never got to me the way it was intended. I worry for those younglings that come after me... it's possible they will become second class citizens like so many others.
There is a prejudice forming, born of jealousy and fear... that's why I can't fade into the mountains and ignore things.
Forgotten...
Published Tuesday, February 07, 2006.
So much has been lost… first of course to Vader’s pursuit of the ones with any ability at all. I see the Inquisitors stalking those with ability and wonder if they know that once it’s done and over with they too will get a blade in the back. It takes sensitivity to the force to detect those with the curse. When the Empire feels it has eliminated them all it will have no need of specialist hunters in the ranks.
I’ve gotten good at spotting the plainclothes inquisitors… course once you get used to it a cop is never had to spot. It takes me back to being a smuggler, looking over my shoulder. I’ve been doing that all my life, just looking for a more skilled operative class now. Quite a bit easier then the independent Bounty Hunters the Empire was hiring for awhile. These advanced snowflakes just can’t pull it off. They don’t have the contacts… or the right combination of swagger and deference to be in the right circles and not look conspicuous as hell. I don’t know if the powers that be ran out of money or it just got too dangerous, but I haven’t seen one in awhile... though I haven’t stopped looking.
I still find it quite incredible that I don’t look over my shoulder so much when I’m with Devia. I thought when I had built my retreat, masking it in the residual force from the old shrine that covers this mountain, which would make me feel safe and be able to truly relax. In all honesty I have lowered my guard here… feeling less vulnerable and able to sleep, to meditate. However, until Devia entered my life I truly didn’t know what peace was. Hard to believe that with the amount of worrying I do over her safety I actually feel more relaxed and centered. It’s amazing… stronger then the force, but also infused with it. I always knew love and care was the saving grace… just never expected to have it.
I had to take a trip to an isolated moon in the core worlds… well, the edge of them anyway. One of my contacts had found a small stash of lore. I haven’t been able to sort through all of it before I got back but it looks quite good on initial survey. That’s another part of the loss… the dynamic of the Jedi and their focus on light and dark sides of the force caused so much about balance to be lost. Many of those other paradigms and cultures did not write down the quasi-religious overtones that so infuse most cultures understanding of the force. But the Jedi could have been more balanced in their documentation… less judgment on their part could have kept so much knowledge. Instead of insisting on their way of understanding and taking the younglings they could have treated it as anthropologists and historians and learned from those cultures new ways and understandings of the gift. So much lost… but there are remnants…. Beautiful ones in fact, like this little ball of sand and water…and the person who created it.
I’ve gotten good at spotting the plainclothes inquisitors… course once you get used to it a cop is never had to spot. It takes me back to being a smuggler, looking over my shoulder. I’ve been doing that all my life, just looking for a more skilled operative class now. Quite a bit easier then the independent Bounty Hunters the Empire was hiring for awhile. These advanced snowflakes just can’t pull it off. They don’t have the contacts… or the right combination of swagger and deference to be in the right circles and not look conspicuous as hell. I don’t know if the powers that be ran out of money or it just got too dangerous, but I haven’t seen one in awhile... though I haven’t stopped looking.
I still find it quite incredible that I don’t look over my shoulder so much when I’m with Devia. I thought when I had built my retreat, masking it in the residual force from the old shrine that covers this mountain, which would make me feel safe and be able to truly relax. In all honesty I have lowered my guard here… feeling less vulnerable and able to sleep, to meditate. However, until Devia entered my life I truly didn’t know what peace was. Hard to believe that with the amount of worrying I do over her safety I actually feel more relaxed and centered. It’s amazing… stronger then the force, but also infused with it. I always knew love and care was the saving grace… just never expected to have it.
I had to take a trip to an isolated moon in the core worlds… well, the edge of them anyway. One of my contacts had found a small stash of lore. I haven’t been able to sort through all of it before I got back but it looks quite good on initial survey. That’s another part of the loss… the dynamic of the Jedi and their focus on light and dark sides of the force caused so much about balance to be lost. Many of those other paradigms and cultures did not write down the quasi-religious overtones that so infuse most cultures understanding of the force. But the Jedi could have been more balanced in their documentation… less judgment on their part could have kept so much knowledge. Instead of insisting on their way of understanding and taking the younglings they could have treated it as anthropologists and historians and learned from those cultures new ways and understandings of the gift. So much lost… but there are remnants…. Beautiful ones in fact, like this little ball of sand and water…and the person who created it.
The Lattice.
Published Thursday, February 02, 2006.
[Noelyci is a force sensitive who has rejected the old jedi way of doing things and strives for balance, seeing dark and light as artificial aspects of the force, yet he is familiar with the Jedi code and traditions, having done much research into what he is. A seer.]
"The crystal is the heart of the blade. The heart is the crystal of the Jedi. The Jedi is the crystal of the Force. The Force is the blade of the heart. All are intertwined: The crystal, The blade, The Jedi. You are one."
I can't help it. Every time I modify my sabre I recall those words. I didn't come through the traditional system. I rejected it, and I'm glad I did. But the simple meditation and intense focus needed to create a lightsaber is one best enacted by the repetition of the way you learnt in the first place. And truly that benediction is one of the things the Jedi got right. No seperation into dark and light, no distinction between tool and wielder. The force is the heart is the blade is the person.
An unbalanced person produces unbalanced flow. It's an interesting thing, understanding the Force this way. We who are cursed/blessed with the ability to modify the flow are in turn shifted and sorted by it. It's like being a fish in the streams I so love on talus. The fish lives in the water, changes the water, to a degree even determines the flow of the water by shifting things with it's tail. Yet it cannot escape the flow, nor stop it. Doing so would damage itself fatally. So the flow continues, both guiding and being changed by those of us who can see it.
I finally attained the components the old documents described... Putting them in the Chu Gon Dar Cube and activating it with the flows produced a crystal of indescrible beauty. The lava of the planet seemed to be suspended in it's heart, neither cooling to obsidian, nor burning my hand. The crystal flowed and shifted, maintaining a balance in it's orange heart. I took it back to my workshop, trying to trace the flows through the crystal's heart. It intrigued me all the way back to Talus.
I prepared my workbench and began the simple coda while removing the safety locks on my blade. Extracting the green crystal I'd grown so fond of... I was glad it still spoke to me, just not as loud as this new one had begun to. I gently attached the power cell to the alignment mechanism and sealed it back up while finishing the coda.
The blade is gold and red, shifting endlessly, like the lava the crystal resembles. Devia said it looked like life itself. It's interesting to wield. The lattice is in constant flux, it requires presence and effort to keep the blade in balance. Yet I've been espousing balance in the force for so long that it almost seems like a perfect fit. Time to go hunting....
Exploration through a Child's Eyes.
Published Monday, January 30, 2006.
[Noelyci is godfather to two of his sister's children, both force sensitive and inquisitive.]
His hair looks like his moms... shorter, but full and shiny. He bounced off the shuttle like a typical 10 year old. No matter what his actual age is. I'm glad Z. let me take him out. She's been careful and I don't blame her but he shouldn't be oversheltered... it wouldn't do.
He looked around with eyes as big as saucers. Not sure what tales Colin stuck in his head on the way over. Wouldn't be surprised if he let him drive a bit either. It's the way we all seem to learn. I asked him what he thought... and though he answered brave I could tell he was a bit scared by the whole situation. It was good he was... he instinctively felt the nature of the use this scared bit of moon had been through. We talked about how something had been used up, how the negative flows influenced what we felt.
Of course he related it back to tinkering with electronics... I'm actually proud of the kid. I like to tinker too so it was easy to tell him a bit about the flow and how it worked. He actually understands better than most...
Watching him walk along the ruined wall was nice. Reminded me of field trips from the orphanage. I'm sure Z. would have had a heart attack if she'd seen him that high up without me in catching distance... though I could have caught him with the force if need be. His fear went away quickly... but his hesitance to use those tactics should remain.
Was nice to see a child that wasn't scared too badly by the war.... there are so few left.
His hair looks like his moms... shorter, but full and shiny. He bounced off the shuttle like a typical 10 year old. No matter what his actual age is. I'm glad Z. let me take him out. She's been careful and I don't blame her but he shouldn't be oversheltered... it wouldn't do.
He looked around with eyes as big as saucers. Not sure what tales Colin stuck in his head on the way over. Wouldn't be surprised if he let him drive a bit either. It's the way we all seem to learn. I asked him what he thought... and though he answered brave I could tell he was a bit scared by the whole situation. It was good he was... he instinctively felt the nature of the use this scared bit of moon had been through. We talked about how something had been used up, how the negative flows influenced what we felt.
Of course he related it back to tinkering with electronics... I'm actually proud of the kid. I like to tinker too so it was easy to tell him a bit about the flow and how it worked. He actually understands better than most...
Watching him walk along the ruined wall was nice. Reminded me of field trips from the orphanage. I'm sure Z. would have had a heart attack if she'd seen him that high up without me in catching distance... though I could have caught him with the force if need be. His fear went away quickly... but his hesitance to use those tactics should remain.
Was nice to see a child that wasn't scared too badly by the war.... there are so few left.
Corporate citizen...
Published Friday, January 27, 2006.
[Noelyci founded a company, later blackmailed out of it... He's coming back to reclaim what was his.]
I'm back... had to resign my commission to do it, but I'll never stop being what I am. An intelligence operative and analyst. Even more so now with my gifts... I had a hard time writing the letter to the High Command of the 7th. I don't like leaving behind the community, though they will still be friends and commrades, I won't be included in the planning, the quiet get-togethers. I've seen it before.
But, my family, my employees, the foundation I built is being threatened... and I truly don't believe Nicolye knows how to fight a war. He's a competent manager and I hope it doesn't come down to a battle over what's mine. I founded the company to protect those under my care, those I had obligations to. It's time to reveal the strength inherent in that vow. He can't do that...
Commander C. of the Imperial Garrison near Amethyst Vale was a bit put out that I was using the public communications channel of that city. Accused me of pirating the signal. I took great pleasure in telling him I was a corporate citizen and had the right to use it. The poor man really can't engage in a battle of wits worth a damn. I had him sputtering like a holo-comedy copper. It really was quite an amusing bit of time. He bears keeping an eye on of course... but he's easy to distract...
J. had a bit of a problem with me coming back, thought I had come to take something away from Nicolye. It's funny, she talked on an open comm channel when she took the trouble to have him hide it from the rest of the company... most likely Z. Of course, I have an obligation to Z., my sister, but I recognize the need for everyone to keep secrets and gently commed her privately to let her know her rashness... she accepted it well... I think I may have turned her into an ally by telling her more than most know about how I was forced out in the first place. That may have been unwise.
Ah the trials of citizenship...
I'm back... had to resign my commission to do it, but I'll never stop being what I am. An intelligence operative and analyst. Even more so now with my gifts... I had a hard time writing the letter to the High Command of the 7th. I don't like leaving behind the community, though they will still be friends and commrades, I won't be included in the planning, the quiet get-togethers. I've seen it before.
But, my family, my employees, the foundation I built is being threatened... and I truly don't believe Nicolye knows how to fight a war. He's a competent manager and I hope it doesn't come down to a battle over what's mine. I founded the company to protect those under my care, those I had obligations to. It's time to reveal the strength inherent in that vow. He can't do that...
Commander C. of the Imperial Garrison near Amethyst Vale was a bit put out that I was using the public communications channel of that city. Accused me of pirating the signal. I took great pleasure in telling him I was a corporate citizen and had the right to use it. The poor man really can't engage in a battle of wits worth a damn. I had him sputtering like a holo-comedy copper. It really was quite an amusing bit of time. He bears keeping an eye on of course... but he's easy to distract...
J. had a bit of a problem with me coming back, thought I had come to take something away from Nicolye. It's funny, she talked on an open comm channel when she took the trouble to have him hide it from the rest of the company... most likely Z. Of course, I have an obligation to Z., my sister, but I recognize the need for everyone to keep secrets and gently commed her privately to let her know her rashness... she accepted it well... I think I may have turned her into an ally by telling her more than most know about how I was forced out in the first place. That may have been unwise.
Ah the trials of citizenship...
The Vision of Others...
Published .
[Noelyci is a Seer, a force user uniquely gifted in foresight and foretelling.]
Something's coming.... something big. Others are getting visions of darkness and death. Sh., Ki., even Devia. I've seen it, can't quite tell where it's coming from, but I'm making moves to protect my own even so. I'm taking Advent back... it's mine and Nicolye dosen't know how to fight a war. I do.
Somethings coming.... it'll have to go through me.
Something's coming.... something big. Others are getting visions of darkness and death. Sh., Ki., even Devia. I've seen it, can't quite tell where it's coming from, but I'm making moves to protect my own even so. I'm taking Advent back... it's mine and Nicolye dosen't know how to fight a war. I do.
Somethings coming.... it'll have to go through me.
Unity...
Published Wednesday, January 25, 2006.
[Noelyci and Devia are attending the marriage ceremony of R. & S. jedi and friends.]
It really was a lovely ceremony. R. & S. wrote lovely vows and they truly came from the heart... their words floating through the air above the Grand Theater...
"Since the first time i came to Aegis and was introduced to you... Ive always had that feeling of admiration towards you. Though your presence always made me a bit shy, I've always wanted to have the chance to get to know you better. Things happened in my life, I got married and you were there by the side of my late husband and after that we kinda always found ourselves fighting and defending our beliefs together. Then you dissappeared... Went away to find yourself. The day I saw you were back... Oh my, How exciting it was for me to see my old friend and ally back to life, I was impatient to see you again."
Her words were perfect... almost ignoring the fact that she was standing in front of all those people. Devia and I were in the audiance. Neither of us caring if we were seen together... By silent agreement we'd stopped caring about regulations. I held her hand as we listened to our friends make their union official. She squeezed my hand... I could feel the bride's word resonate with something in her... I was trying not to take away from somebody else's day, ours would come. Although I was looking forward to dancing with her later, no matter how she teased me about it.
"...together... Finally i was getting to know you, know the true you and i fell in love with you. I promise to always be by your side, be your friend, your lover, Yours... I love you."
She stopped and after he cleared his throat he began his vows...
"You are what makes sense to me. For the entirety of my life I have been a lost soul searching... a soldier of sorts fighting for no real reason other than knowing nothing else... these fights led me to you and for that I regret no path that I have tread... You have been the sunrise that I open my eyes for on every morn. Without you all is darkness for me, I love you immensely and I always will. The vows I take will be forever..."
I was reveling in the feel of the new clothes Devia had made for me. White and green to match her amazing gown, looking around at friends and family that had made it to the occasion. I noticed an Alliance Patrol mentioning to his buddy that it hadn't been a bad shift so far... Made me chuckle thinking about some of my shifts on patrol. Devia's skin felt as soft as the silk she lined my vest in... I'm sure some noticed we were together... but again nobody wanted to detract from the day. All in all it was a good day... a beautiful day... but I did catch a hint of worry from my beloved that not many would show up to ours when we got there. That may be... but I still want to publicly announce it... prove it to her... stand up and say here I stand.
Too long I've held myself to the shadows. With this I can't... my feelings couldn't be hidden anyway.
It really was a lovely ceremony. R. & S. wrote lovely vows and they truly came from the heart... their words floating through the air above the Grand Theater...
"Since the first time i came to Aegis and was introduced to you... Ive always had that feeling of admiration towards you. Though your presence always made me a bit shy, I've always wanted to have the chance to get to know you better. Things happened in my life, I got married and you were there by the side of my late husband and after that we kinda always found ourselves fighting and defending our beliefs together. Then you dissappeared... Went away to find yourself. The day I saw you were back... Oh my, How exciting it was for me to see my old friend and ally back to life, I was impatient to see you again."
Her words were perfect... almost ignoring the fact that she was standing in front of all those people. Devia and I were in the audiance. Neither of us caring if we were seen together... By silent agreement we'd stopped caring about regulations. I held her hand as we listened to our friends make their union official. She squeezed my hand... I could feel the bride's word resonate with something in her... I was trying not to take away from somebody else's day, ours would come. Although I was looking forward to dancing with her later, no matter how she teased me about it.
"...together... Finally i was getting to know you, know the true you and i fell in love with you. I promise to always be by your side, be your friend, your lover, Yours... I love you."
She stopped and after he cleared his throat he began his vows...
"You are what makes sense to me. For the entirety of my life I have been a lost soul searching... a soldier of sorts fighting for no real reason other than knowing nothing else... these fights led me to you and for that I regret no path that I have tread... You have been the sunrise that I open my eyes for on every morn. Without you all is darkness for me, I love you immensely and I always will. The vows I take will be forever..."
I was reveling in the feel of the new clothes Devia had made for me. White and green to match her amazing gown, looking around at friends and family that had made it to the occasion. I noticed an Alliance Patrol mentioning to his buddy that it hadn't been a bad shift so far... Made me chuckle thinking about some of my shifts on patrol. Devia's skin felt as soft as the silk she lined my vest in... I'm sure some noticed we were together... but again nobody wanted to detract from the day. All in all it was a good day... a beautiful day... but I did catch a hint of worry from my beloved that not many would show up to ours when we got there. That may be... but I still want to publicly announce it... prove it to her... stand up and say here I stand.
Too long I've held myself to the shadows. With this I can't... my feelings couldn't be hidden anyway.
Tai Shan
Published Friday, January 20, 2006.
I don't know how I missed this one... so much research into what I am, where I came from... and I never even heard this word. Not surprising really... zabrak's are notoriously close mouthed about their culture and this is an extemely private thing. Here's what the few medical & linguistic journals I could find said about it:
"Pairing involves the custom of Tai Shan, which is based upon the use of the acute sense of smell to recognize compatible pheromones secreted by a female (and rarely a male) as a subtle scent or musk, which leads to a rapid attraction and then to successful pairing for life. Matched pheromones create chemicals with powerful aphrodisiac properties which lead to very rapid courtship and stable life bonds being undertaken....Under certain conditions, these bio-chemicals cause mind expanding drugs to be manufactured within the bodies of the paired couple. When ingested by each from the other, the drug enhances power derived from the Force and generates a transcendental state of being which reinforces the pair-bond during the mating process..."
Makes sense on a clinical level... but they have no idea... I asked Devia what it meant when she called me it with her mind. She said it was hard to translate... High Zabrak which isn't common out here on the outer rim.... even I speak a basterdized lower form... it's just easier... but the concept behind it is one of completion. Two halves of the same soul finding one another again. It's amazing how much easier it is to commune with the force when I'm with her... I truly do feel complete.
I told her I felt like I loved her before I knew her... she smiled and whispered in the back of my mind. "That's what Tai Shan means."
"Pairing involves the custom of Tai Shan, which is based upon the use of the acute sense of smell to recognize compatible pheromones secreted by a female (and rarely a male) as a subtle scent or musk, which leads to a rapid attraction and then to successful pairing for life. Matched pheromones create chemicals with powerful aphrodisiac properties which lead to very rapid courtship and stable life bonds being undertaken....Under certain conditions, these bio-chemicals cause mind expanding drugs to be manufactured within the bodies of the paired couple. When ingested by each from the other, the drug enhances power derived from the Force and generates a transcendental state of being which reinforces the pair-bond during the mating process..."
Makes sense on a clinical level... but they have no idea... I asked Devia what it meant when she called me it with her mind. She said it was hard to translate... High Zabrak which isn't common out here on the outer rim.... even I speak a basterdized lower form... it's just easier... but the concept behind it is one of completion. Two halves of the same soul finding one another again. It's amazing how much easier it is to commune with the force when I'm with her... I truly do feel complete.
I told her I felt like I loved her before I knew her... she smiled and whispered in the back of my mind. "That's what Tai Shan means."
Acceptance...
Published Thursday, January 19, 2006.
[Noelyci is speaking with Devia Darkrider, a friend and companion, they've been dancing around commitment to each other for quite a while. From his perspective he loves her, but dosen't want to hurt her.]
She's sleeping now... I can't stop smiling remembering our conversation...
I started sipping my scotch rather then using it to avoid seeing the faces... they were fading anyway. She was beautiful, as always... told me she'd had one of those rare lazy days, enjoying the sunlight on her face... the fire she'd made... she seemed truly at peace in that place, where she used to camp with her pets. I felt pain, and a commitment to justice, but not regret... not the mind numbing regret that I always feared for her... feared for myself.
I realized I was standing on that cliff, and that she was once again my lifeline... don't know if she understood that she was ever that to me. I remember when I recovered her after the loss of her pets. She was distraught, thought her life had no meaning since she'd lost her children when I found her she was curled in a fetal position and had decided to die... Living in a nightmare... I used what she taught me to talk to her in that dream... and she made the choice to come back from that place. I had to make a concious choice to allow myself to be talked down... but she does that better then anyone... always has.
We talked about what I had done, the murder, the quiet battles that the target never saw coming. The balancing act I put myself through, to know that what I do is monstrous in it's act. To regret.... it takes something from me each time.... some part of the scale in my heart must be balanced... it's why I spend so much time in the mountains away from the unit now... meditating, repairing my heart. It was strange, but spending time with the beautiful woman, who I had been so worried about... did more for me then a week hiking the trails. That realization floored me... We'd been taking comfort in each other so long... while avoiding more permanent commitments.
I do love her... have even told her... I've been coming round to the idea that maybe my actions don't invalidate my deservedness. Maybe taking comfort in someone you love, for the rest of your life, has nothing to do with what you've done in the past or what you have to do...
There was still a concern... our conversation had moved to what was holding us back from peace... she said that she wished I would allow her to help... with the stormtroopers, the balance, the teaching... whatever. The unspoken message came through our mental link anyway. She just wanted to be with me... knowing what I'd been, was, and probably would be... she didn't see a monster, she would do whatever nessecary to spend part of her life with me. Somewhat surprisingly, my heart answered just as strongly... but there was still a voice in the back of my head...
I believe I asked, "If what we're talking about is what we're talking about... you should know I have prior vows which I can't break... I have godchildren, a family, the only one I've ever known... how fair would it be trying to build a life together when I might have to go die for them?"... my heart breaking knowing that what I was asking wasn't fair... for her to go through life with me, yet know I might not come back... would be willing to risk her happiness for prior vows. Risk her safety with me for others... was there any future in that.
My heart isn't broken... she said she'd help me protect anything important to me... would love anything I did. Totally shocked me... so I returned the favor.
I'd bought the rings a long time ago... I'd like to say that they were picked out especially for her. But they weren't... Just a platinum set I spotted in my smuggling days... don't know why I didn't sell them, but they'd been in my sabacc pouch ever since... kind of a lucky charm. An ideal I still faintly hoped for... the time I could use them to marry and retire... since I'd become force sensitive I'd been playing with gadget's... these were evident that I hadn't given up on the dream...
I kneeled to giver her a shock... proposed right then and there.... She accepted.
She's sleeping now... I can't stop smiling remembering our conversation...
I started sipping my scotch rather then using it to avoid seeing the faces... they were fading anyway. She was beautiful, as always... told me she'd had one of those rare lazy days, enjoying the sunlight on her face... the fire she'd made... she seemed truly at peace in that place, where she used to camp with her pets. I felt pain, and a commitment to justice, but not regret... not the mind numbing regret that I always feared for her... feared for myself.
I realized I was standing on that cliff, and that she was once again my lifeline... don't know if she understood that she was ever that to me. I remember when I recovered her after the loss of her pets. She was distraught, thought her life had no meaning since she'd lost her children when I found her she was curled in a fetal position and had decided to die... Living in a nightmare... I used what she taught me to talk to her in that dream... and she made the choice to come back from that place. I had to make a concious choice to allow myself to be talked down... but she does that better then anyone... always has.
We talked about what I had done, the murder, the quiet battles that the target never saw coming. The balancing act I put myself through, to know that what I do is monstrous in it's act. To regret.... it takes something from me each time.... some part of the scale in my heart must be balanced... it's why I spend so much time in the mountains away from the unit now... meditating, repairing my heart. It was strange, but spending time with the beautiful woman, who I had been so worried about... did more for me then a week hiking the trails. That realization floored me... We'd been taking comfort in each other so long... while avoiding more permanent commitments.
I do love her... have even told her... I've been coming round to the idea that maybe my actions don't invalidate my deservedness. Maybe taking comfort in someone you love, for the rest of your life, has nothing to do with what you've done in the past or what you have to do...
There was still a concern... our conversation had moved to what was holding us back from peace... she said that she wished I would allow her to help... with the stormtroopers, the balance, the teaching... whatever. The unspoken message came through our mental link anyway. She just wanted to be with me... knowing what I'd been, was, and probably would be... she didn't see a monster, she would do whatever nessecary to spend part of her life with me. Somewhat surprisingly, my heart answered just as strongly... but there was still a voice in the back of my head...
I believe I asked, "If what we're talking about is what we're talking about... you should know I have prior vows which I can't break... I have godchildren, a family, the only one I've ever known... how fair would it be trying to build a life together when I might have to go die for them?"... my heart breaking knowing that what I was asking wasn't fair... for her to go through life with me, yet know I might not come back... would be willing to risk her happiness for prior vows. Risk her safety with me for others... was there any future in that.
My heart isn't broken... she said she'd help me protect anything important to me... would love anything I did. Totally shocked me... so I returned the favor.
I'd bought the rings a long time ago... I'd like to say that they were picked out especially for her. But they weren't... Just a platinum set I spotted in my smuggling days... don't know why I didn't sell them, but they'd been in my sabacc pouch ever since... kind of a lucky charm. An ideal I still faintly hoped for... the time I could use them to marry and retire... since I'd become force sensitive I'd been playing with gadget's... these were evident that I hadn't given up on the dream...
I kneeled to giver her a shock... proposed right then and there.... She accepted.
Redemption...
Published Wednesday, January 18, 2006.
[Noelyci absorbed the pain and regret of a dark jedi when trying to save him, it is a constant voice in his head. In addition he has telepathy with those he cares for if they can use the force. Currently he's flying to Dantooine after battle.]
I was talking to her before I reached Dantooine... it's so easy to reach out and speak with her now. I remember when it was a shock. She's the first person to ever speak in the back of my head... of course I have permanent voices there now... maybe that's why I feel like I'm a monster tonight. I know I did the right thing taking those permutations out of the future... I know I saved lives with every death, all 600 of them. And I know I'll pay the consequence... seeing their faces in my dreams... my meditations. It's part of paying the price, keeping the balance...
I don't believe in dark and light... not the way the rest of the Jedi 'Order' does. I believe that the reason people fall to the 'dark' is that they feel justified and try to avoid the cost. I know I do evil, horrible, painful things... and I do it willingly. I'm trying to prepare the day when there will be a better government for the future generations, and I will be lucky if I can set aside this part of my life and be part of it with them... but it isn't nessecary.
She disagrees with me on that point... but I'm not sure if it's because she feels I need hope... or that she's afraid I will make my life cheap when forced to finally use it as the final shield. In the old republic, the old order which everyone remembers and is not trying to be replicated I would probably pursue the Guardian's path. I am the shield for those I love... I protect by doing what I would save them from doing, paying the cost I don't want them to face.
I found that that's part of being a Seer. Relationships. I understand the permutations and flows of the force because I see the emotional connections I myself have. That was something else she taught me. I was trained by intel to work the emotions, see the angles, understand that the levers which most moved people were not monetary or titular, but emotional. I truly didn't understand until I met my empath what that meant. I do know that I need it to remain connected to the force... to use these abilities I need love. Love of family, love of friends.... love of....
D. has a point though... I'm no more a monster then she is. Then any of us. As long as we pay the cost... as long as we allow people to choose... as long as we recognize that there are some things you cannot do... like blow up planets full of non-combatants... like Alderann. She's gone inside to get more scotch... she'll be back soon.
I should share with her that she helps me not feel so cold... so wrapped in the bubble. In fact I don't think this warm feeling growing comes from the scotch. Maybe now is the time to tell her about the previous vows. To my goddaughter, to my sister... to those I love. Maybe this relationship is part of my redemption...
I was talking to her before I reached Dantooine... it's so easy to reach out and speak with her now. I remember when it was a shock. She's the first person to ever speak in the back of my head... of course I have permanent voices there now... maybe that's why I feel like I'm a monster tonight. I know I did the right thing taking those permutations out of the future... I know I saved lives with every death, all 600 of them. And I know I'll pay the consequence... seeing their faces in my dreams... my meditations. It's part of paying the price, keeping the balance...
I don't believe in dark and light... not the way the rest of the Jedi 'Order' does. I believe that the reason people fall to the 'dark' is that they feel justified and try to avoid the cost. I know I do evil, horrible, painful things... and I do it willingly. I'm trying to prepare the day when there will be a better government for the future generations, and I will be lucky if I can set aside this part of my life and be part of it with them... but it isn't nessecary.
She disagrees with me on that point... but I'm not sure if it's because she feels I need hope... or that she's afraid I will make my life cheap when forced to finally use it as the final shield. In the old republic, the old order which everyone remembers and is not trying to be replicated I would probably pursue the Guardian's path. I am the shield for those I love... I protect by doing what I would save them from doing, paying the cost I don't want them to face.
I found that that's part of being a Seer. Relationships. I understand the permutations and flows of the force because I see the emotional connections I myself have. That was something else she taught me. I was trained by intel to work the emotions, see the angles, understand that the levers which most moved people were not monetary or titular, but emotional. I truly didn't understand until I met my empath what that meant. I do know that I need it to remain connected to the force... to use these abilities I need love. Love of family, love of friends.... love of....
D. has a point though... I'm no more a monster then she is. Then any of us. As long as we pay the cost... as long as we allow people to choose... as long as we recognize that there are some things you cannot do... like blow up planets full of non-combatants... like Alderann. She's gone inside to get more scotch... she'll be back soon.
I should share with her that she helps me not feel so cold... so wrapped in the bubble. In fact I don't think this warm feeling growing comes from the scotch. Maybe now is the time to tell her about the previous vows. To my goddaughter, to my sister... to those I love. Maybe this relationship is part of my redemption...
Liberation...
Published Tuesday, January 17, 2006.
I came down the trail late, the sun was rising, I'd spent the night listening to the sounds of the forest... forgetting about the war. It's still peaceful in the mountains of Talus near my retreat. The only conflict comes from the normal sounds of hunting and existance. The flows of the force ebb and flow through everything out there... it's subtle, not like Dantooine, or Dathomir... but definitely there. I went back to Dearic, laying in a few supplies...
I'd gotten so used to the independance of this world that it was a shock to see the new snowflakes... Stormtroopers back in Dearic... something snapped. I don't get rage like others... I get wrapped in that bubble. I get cold. I form the shadow's around me and watch the permuations shift, and my vision narrows down to the target. Usually the ideal one...
I can rest there as long as needed, no fatigue, no tiredness, no unessecary movement, sometimes no thought... when I used a blaster I could hold the trigger at the perfect squeeze point for hours... the snipers in the unit always thought I should jump over... but the shadows were what appealed to me... the dark alleyways in the backstreets, the dusky cantinas and the deathsticks... Snipers hate deathsticks... ruins their nightvision. I've referred to it in this journal before as the Bubble, usually that's when I'm benign and seeking information, or wisdom... this was different... maybe...
This was a cold place. Deep in the stream of the mountains, my whole body bathed in snowmelt. Not even the center was hot. I walked up behind the squad leader, dropped my lightsaber into my hand, and ignited it vertically through his spine. The ventilator in his helmet must have had a small leak, because the shrapnel impaled itself in his junior officers visor, blinding them... though it wouldn't have mattered with the speed I was pulling.... the force flowed through every muscle, every fiber infused with a connection, reading the movement of their squad before they did anything... not a breath drawn before I cut that small squad down... walking away from their corpses without looking back.
I moved through the back alleys and old haunts from the smuggling days... the sewers, the secret rooms, the darkness becoming my friend, cloaking myself... I cut down every stormtrooper in the city of Dearic and it wasn't enough.
Colin and I have been working on an upgrade to the goggles, the HUD was superimposed and working perfectly... I patched into the feed the last squad was getting and found the transmission was coming from the Imperial Garrison.
It's had an underfunded maintence staff or did.... seems they are trying to reassert control... over my dead body... not on my home. I masked the minds of the sentries, wrapped the shadows around me like a cloak, walked into the garrison and cut every single one down. The first was a kid, I watched him with the recruiter... signing up... I saw the permutations... the other kids he would kill. The people he'd climb over to make rank. The destruction he'd cause. I sat there watching the permutations.... hoping to find one where he wouldn't turn out to be an opressor, wanting to forgive, to stop... but nothing changed... I couldn't find a single future for him where many didn't die.
His was the first corpse in that place... his face I filed... balance... consequences... the back of my mind full of them tonight... The Crucible's on autopilot right now.... I can't see through the 600 faces I've destroyed today. Dev is worried about me... I'm going to see her... to make sure she knows I'm a monster... she deserves to know. I finally had to stop when I got to Theed, the Naboo garrison of the 501st put me in my place and I had to run...
Probably a good thing I did... I don't know when I would have stopped.
I'd gotten so used to the independance of this world that it was a shock to see the new snowflakes... Stormtroopers back in Dearic... something snapped. I don't get rage like others... I get wrapped in that bubble. I get cold. I form the shadow's around me and watch the permuations shift, and my vision narrows down to the target. Usually the ideal one...
I can rest there as long as needed, no fatigue, no tiredness, no unessecary movement, sometimes no thought... when I used a blaster I could hold the trigger at the perfect squeeze point for hours... the snipers in the unit always thought I should jump over... but the shadows were what appealed to me... the dark alleyways in the backstreets, the dusky cantinas and the deathsticks... Snipers hate deathsticks... ruins their nightvision. I've referred to it in this journal before as the Bubble, usually that's when I'm benign and seeking information, or wisdom... this was different... maybe...
This was a cold place. Deep in the stream of the mountains, my whole body bathed in snowmelt. Not even the center was hot. I walked up behind the squad leader, dropped my lightsaber into my hand, and ignited it vertically through his spine. The ventilator in his helmet must have had a small leak, because the shrapnel impaled itself in his junior officers visor, blinding them... though it wouldn't have mattered with the speed I was pulling.... the force flowed through every muscle, every fiber infused with a connection, reading the movement of their squad before they did anything... not a breath drawn before I cut that small squad down... walking away from their corpses without looking back.
I moved through the back alleys and old haunts from the smuggling days... the sewers, the secret rooms, the darkness becoming my friend, cloaking myself... I cut down every stormtrooper in the city of Dearic and it wasn't enough.
Colin and I have been working on an upgrade to the goggles, the HUD was superimposed and working perfectly... I patched into the feed the last squad was getting and found the transmission was coming from the Imperial Garrison.
It's had an underfunded maintence staff or did.... seems they are trying to reassert control... over my dead body... not on my home. I masked the minds of the sentries, wrapped the shadows around me like a cloak, walked into the garrison and cut every single one down. The first was a kid, I watched him with the recruiter... signing up... I saw the permutations... the other kids he would kill. The people he'd climb over to make rank. The destruction he'd cause. I sat there watching the permutations.... hoping to find one where he wouldn't turn out to be an opressor, wanting to forgive, to stop... but nothing changed... I couldn't find a single future for him where many didn't die.
His was the first corpse in that place... his face I filed... balance... consequences... the back of my mind full of them tonight... The Crucible's on autopilot right now.... I can't see through the 600 faces I've destroyed today. Dev is worried about me... I'm going to see her... to make sure she knows I'm a monster... she deserves to know. I finally had to stop when I got to Theed, the Naboo garrison of the 501st put me in my place and I had to run...
Probably a good thing I did... I don't know when I would have stopped.
Green hair and verbal spam...
Published Monday, January 16, 2006.
I sometimes get asked how I came up with the unique color green I use for my hair... I hadn't thought about it for awhile but the mention of it last night made me remember the hairdresser I first got it from.
I was on the run. Contract out on me after I failed to deliver on a shipment. Of course it didn't help that the buyer was a powerful man who knew I worked for the Alliance... that fact made it likely the Imperial's were after me too. So I walked into the salon outside Coronet with only a few bucks in my pocket and no safehouse left to turn to. After my eyes adjusted to the lighting I was amazed at the verbal banter going back and forth. Turns out I'd walked into a 'gay' salon. I turned to go when my arm was taken by a guy wearing hot pants. His name was Sean and quickly started fussing with my hair without letting me get a word in edgewise.
He called me honey child and babe... was strange watching this little guy flirt with every thing that had two legs. Turns out he used to be the cabin boy to Admiral Veers but left after he noticed that the benefits didn't offset the predilection for very early death benefits to one's dependents. That and he told me that Admiral Veer's 'blaster' was only an inch long when fully loaded.
After cleaning up the spit take I did hearing that I found myself sharing that I needed work. He took one look at my hands and said I'd do. He even gave me the haircut and dye for free. I spent several months earning my Image Designer liscence in that shop, learning a trade, and how to hide myself in plain sight by being the most flamboyant personality possible. I learned the z-snap and many other socially significant clues from my friends there, and by the time I left I had a new appreciation for the boot strap of the Empire. Of course some of my new friends liked boot straps... but only in certain aspects of their lives. *laugh*
I tried to look up Sean a little while back. Turns out he was taken from us by the scourge that got so many of those with his orientation.... I miss him... but he lived life larger than anyone I know... a lesson I'm still learning.
I was on the run. Contract out on me after I failed to deliver on a shipment. Of course it didn't help that the buyer was a powerful man who knew I worked for the Alliance... that fact made it likely the Imperial's were after me too. So I walked into the salon outside Coronet with only a few bucks in my pocket and no safehouse left to turn to. After my eyes adjusted to the lighting I was amazed at the verbal banter going back and forth. Turns out I'd walked into a 'gay' salon. I turned to go when my arm was taken by a guy wearing hot pants. His name was Sean and quickly started fussing with my hair without letting me get a word in edgewise.
He called me honey child and babe... was strange watching this little guy flirt with every thing that had two legs. Turns out he used to be the cabin boy to Admiral Veers but left after he noticed that the benefits didn't offset the predilection for very early death benefits to one's dependents. That and he told me that Admiral Veer's 'blaster' was only an inch long when fully loaded.
After cleaning up the spit take I did hearing that I found myself sharing that I needed work. He took one look at my hands and said I'd do. He even gave me the haircut and dye for free. I spent several months earning my Image Designer liscence in that shop, learning a trade, and how to hide myself in plain sight by being the most flamboyant personality possible. I learned the z-snap and many other socially significant clues from my friends there, and by the time I left I had a new appreciation for the boot strap of the Empire. Of course some of my new friends liked boot straps... but only in certain aspects of their lives. *laugh*
I tried to look up Sean a little while back. Turns out he was taken from us by the scourge that got so many of those with his orientation.... I miss him... but he lived life larger than anyone I know... a lesson I'm still learning.
"I thought you were a Dream."
Published Friday, January 13, 2006.
"I thought you were a dream." She said that to me... right before she showed me what she's learned since becoming aware of her connection to the force. There isn't much more I can show her. She thought she might be a seer. Though I don't think her talents lie in exactly the same way mine do I have learned more from her then even she probably knows.
She taught me to speak to those I know well from across the galaxy... she showed me what being true to myself was... taught me to rebuild when I was going crazy...
Am I shielding her? Or myself? Either way it's time to allow the force to take me where it wills. Yes I protect those I love... and there is no way I can turn away from my family. I cannot change my willingness to sacrifice for them... unhealthy or no. Attachments of this nature will make that harder. Having said that, I can't turn aside from what I feel either... hopefully we can make our dreams come true without sacrificing our obligations... that is if she feels the same way...
She taught me to speak to those I know well from across the galaxy... she showed me what being true to myself was... taught me to rebuild when I was going crazy...
Am I shielding her? Or myself? Either way it's time to allow the force to take me where it wills. Yes I protect those I love... and there is no way I can turn away from my family. I cannot change my willingness to sacrifice for them... unhealthy or no. Attachments of this nature will make that harder. Having said that, I can't turn aside from what I feel either... hopefully we can make our dreams come true without sacrificing our obligations... that is if she feels the same way...
Younglings, Instruction & the Cave...
Published Thursday, January 12, 2006.
It was time... I had to leave the peace and quiet and head back to Mustafar. The ghosts were loud again when I landed. So many died on this little ball of fire, fighting for something they didn't even understand.
I had contacted A. to set up the crew. I wanted this first investigation to be one where I wasn't risking too many I loved. She did an admirable job but the ghosts were drowned out by the young 'jedi' playing with their lightsabers in the main facility. I can't believe these new recruits are allowed to run around without restraint or discipline... How can they learn to communicate with the force when they can't stop for five minutes and wait with patcience. I may disagree with the effort to ressurect some long dead order of jedi knights, but if that's what is going to be done, where are the masters? Where are the teachers?
I am obviously not wanted, or valued, so I have restrained myself from 'influencing' those under another care. I have my students, if they could be classified as that, even though I don't consider them that way most of the time. I learn as much from them as I teach... Best to continue to let them come to me...
Speaking of learning, Sh. came to me after that last Jam, she helped me polish off that bottle and then said she'd like to show me something. I've been a bit worried about her but found that she had been getting some guidance from others... I explained to her that I did not buy into the 'darkside' and 'lightside' argument but that I did realize there were consequences for the tools and actions one uses, whether it be a blaster or the force. I wonder if she's killed with her mind yet, that often seems to be the breaking point...
She had brought me a small toy, for lack of a better word. A globe filled with water and sand... a tool for training the manipulitive abilities of the new force sensitive. She created an absolutely gorgeous picture of a flower by seperating the grains with her mind. She asked me to try, I didn't want to show her up, but I've been doing this awhile now... I created a small animation of bubbles from the bottom, keeping it moving smoothly was actually quite difficult. We talked of balance and consequence, I believe she truly understood... I look forward to talking to her again soon...
That was the same night I discovered how insular the Council had become. They may be trying for a New Jedi Order... but they don't care what anyone outside their walls thinks. I was asked by Master B. to witness his testimony before the other Masters of the Council. Even though I had close associations with them before their insulating tactics they completely ignored me. Master B. has lost much of his discretion and I can see why many are concerned about him, but to ignore those who are enabled by the will of the force is the hieght of arrogance... I distinctly saw the permutations surrounding Master R. and all were resigned to battle, when they said they only wanted to talk in the first place... He wasn't happy that I was there. I think they'd of preferred to meet him somewhere nobody would find the body... Perhaps that's unfair.
The Younglings calmed down quite well once we were actually at work. Perhaps they were just nervous, they quickly pulled down the surrounding rutting Tulrus and we prepared to enter the cave of the lava beast. I innoculated everyone and we set out...
It sat in a large cavern after the gassed tunnels, with several larva spread out around it... they didn't get too close to their mother, I believe she probably ate them when she was feeling lazy, although the tulrus bones at the entrance bely her inactivity to be much in our favor. We took care of most of the larvae, though I think one or two scuttled away... and began our battle on the mutated thing... So much hate from one creature. She went down... and we only had a couple broken arms out of it... The miners should be safe for a bit, though I'll have to check on the larva that got away...
...I wonder if this will count as a trial for the young ones, or if I'll be accosted for undue influence... I have to try to read the cards again.
I had contacted A. to set up the crew. I wanted this first investigation to be one where I wasn't risking too many I loved. She did an admirable job but the ghosts were drowned out by the young 'jedi' playing with their lightsabers in the main facility. I can't believe these new recruits are allowed to run around without restraint or discipline... How can they learn to communicate with the force when they can't stop for five minutes and wait with patcience. I may disagree with the effort to ressurect some long dead order of jedi knights, but if that's what is going to be done, where are the masters? Where are the teachers?
I am obviously not wanted, or valued, so I have restrained myself from 'influencing' those under another care. I have my students, if they could be classified as that, even though I don't consider them that way most of the time. I learn as much from them as I teach... Best to continue to let them come to me...
Speaking of learning, Sh. came to me after that last Jam, she helped me polish off that bottle and then said she'd like to show me something. I've been a bit worried about her but found that she had been getting some guidance from others... I explained to her that I did not buy into the 'darkside' and 'lightside' argument but that I did realize there were consequences for the tools and actions one uses, whether it be a blaster or the force. I wonder if she's killed with her mind yet, that often seems to be the breaking point...
She had brought me a small toy, for lack of a better word. A globe filled with water and sand... a tool for training the manipulitive abilities of the new force sensitive. She created an absolutely gorgeous picture of a flower by seperating the grains with her mind. She asked me to try, I didn't want to show her up, but I've been doing this awhile now... I created a small animation of bubbles from the bottom, keeping it moving smoothly was actually quite difficult. We talked of balance and consequence, I believe she truly understood... I look forward to talking to her again soon...
That was the same night I discovered how insular the Council had become. They may be trying for a New Jedi Order... but they don't care what anyone outside their walls thinks. I was asked by Master B. to witness his testimony before the other Masters of the Council. Even though I had close associations with them before their insulating tactics they completely ignored me. Master B. has lost much of his discretion and I can see why many are concerned about him, but to ignore those who are enabled by the will of the force is the hieght of arrogance... I distinctly saw the permutations surrounding Master R. and all were resigned to battle, when they said they only wanted to talk in the first place... He wasn't happy that I was there. I think they'd of preferred to meet him somewhere nobody would find the body... Perhaps that's unfair.
The Younglings calmed down quite well once we were actually at work. Perhaps they were just nervous, they quickly pulled down the surrounding rutting Tulrus and we prepared to enter the cave of the lava beast. I innoculated everyone and we set out...
It sat in a large cavern after the gassed tunnels, with several larva spread out around it... they didn't get too close to their mother, I believe she probably ate them when she was feeling lazy, although the tulrus bones at the entrance bely her inactivity to be much in our favor. We took care of most of the larvae, though I think one or two scuttled away... and began our battle on the mutated thing... So much hate from one creature. She went down... and we only had a couple broken arms out of it... The miners should be safe for a bit, though I'll have to check on the larva that got away...
...I wonder if this will count as a trial for the young ones, or if I'll be accosted for undue influence... I have to try to read the cards again.
Snow & Warmth...
Published Wednesday, January 11, 2006.
It's snowing in the mountains again... I'm sitting in it, watching it come down, fresh and white. No blood, no stains. It's so crisp that I have to use a bit of force to keep myself warm, but that's as easy as breathing now.
There's such peace here... It's best I rest in it for now. There's a bloodthirsty abomination affecting the miners that I'll have to deal with soon. I'm working on getting my backup in place now. Strangely I know longer worry about things... since I saw Z so happy and safe after the birth.
She made it official. I'm now a Godfather. Es is perfect... and strong, she already babbles with her mind, I wouldn't be surprised if she levitates a bottle before she says her first word. It gives me hope that the future is in better hands. I worried about what future we were leaving her and D' but the fact of the matter was pointed out by D., "What kind of future were we left with?" I'd like it to be better, but if it was the next generation would find something to reject in it anyway... and to accept in it... It's the cyclical nature of the force and the passage of time...
I spent some time trying to remember what struck me as perfect about this spot, just outside my retreat, just down the mountain from the shrine... it took me a little while but I figured it out... This is where we watched the sunset when I showed her this place. I suddenly didn't need the force to stay warm anymore.
There's such peace here... It's best I rest in it for now. There's a bloodthirsty abomination affecting the miners that I'll have to deal with soon. I'm working on getting my backup in place now. Strangely I know longer worry about things... since I saw Z so happy and safe after the birth.
She made it official. I'm now a Godfather. Es is perfect... and strong, she already babbles with her mind, I wouldn't be surprised if she levitates a bottle before she says her first word. It gives me hope that the future is in better hands. I worried about what future we were leaving her and D' but the fact of the matter was pointed out by D., "What kind of future were we left with?" I'd like it to be better, but if it was the next generation would find something to reject in it anyway... and to accept in it... It's the cyclical nature of the force and the passage of time...
I spent some time trying to remember what struck me as perfect about this spot, just outside my retreat, just down the mountain from the shrine... it took me a little while but I figured it out... This is where we watched the sunset when I showed her this place. I suddenly didn't need the force to stay warm anymore.
Save the Last Dance... and the Glass Half Full.
Published .
[originally posted 1/9/2005]
Last Jam…. feel like requesting the old song about dancing. I’ve finally had to let my last contract go from the old days. It’s been fun busting heads for J. I’ve enjoyed making sure the guests are safe when they come to see our headliners. And I’ve seen many headliners over the years. Z. when she was known across the galaxy for her dancing and entertaining, N. is coming up now and it’s been a trip seeing a holo-actress entertaining at these more intimate settings.
My days of smuggling and independent contracts seem to be over. I’ve got responsibility now. I’ve had it for awhile, even accepted it…. Yet the weekly event at the River Bend has let me be the ‘old’ me every so often and giving it up is sparking feelings of loss. Much as I’ve moved on I’m going to miss it.
The bartender always kept my bottle of aged Talusian Scotch safe and dusty in the back. I’d been limiting myself to half a glass or so every night I was on duty. But this last time I finished the bottle. I shared some with T. & S. but I’d say the majority of that smooth stuff went down my throat. I felt like that bottle belonged there and I was going to be damned if it went to anyone else. I gave my resignation to J. early and enjoyed my last night there as a patron, not a bouncer. I placed the ornate bottle back under the bar…..empty. I thought I’d walk out taking nothing from this contract, but the fact of the matter is I’ve made many friends…. at least I walked out better than that bottle.
Last Jam…. feel like requesting the old song about dancing. I’ve finally had to let my last contract go from the old days. It’s been fun busting heads for J. I’ve enjoyed making sure the guests are safe when they come to see our headliners. And I’ve seen many headliners over the years. Z. when she was known across the galaxy for her dancing and entertaining, N. is coming up now and it’s been a trip seeing a holo-actress entertaining at these more intimate settings.
My days of smuggling and independent contracts seem to be over. I’ve got responsibility now. I’ve had it for awhile, even accepted it…. Yet the weekly event at the River Bend has let me be the ‘old’ me every so often and giving it up is sparking feelings of loss. Much as I’ve moved on I’m going to miss it.
The bartender always kept my bottle of aged Talusian Scotch safe and dusty in the back. I’d been limiting myself to half a glass or so every night I was on duty. But this last time I finished the bottle. I shared some with T. & S. but I’d say the majority of that smooth stuff went down my throat. I felt like that bottle belonged there and I was going to be damned if it went to anyone else. I gave my resignation to J. early and enjoyed my last night there as a patron, not a bouncer. I placed the ornate bottle back under the bar…..empty. I thought I’d walk out taking nothing from this contract, but the fact of the matter is I’ve made many friends…. at least I walked out better than that bottle.
Retirement...
Published .
[originally posted 12/16/2005]
Wow, has it really been a couple weeks? Time flys when you're busy...
At the jam a week before the security crew decided to play a couple of pranks... so I let them have the responsibility as well. It was only five minutes but I walked away. Nothing more than a deathstick break really, but it was nice to see that a few of them recognized what I do provide there. They can handle it without me of course.... which is why I didn't show this last week, I figured one of them would be able to handle it. According to my sources it was a little bit more chaotic than normal, several weapons got past the door, but nobody shot any holes in the wall.I did hear that K. & K. threw down, the sucker punch ended it quickly.... I'm impressed at the restraint, but will have to talk to him later about that.
Per my request Colinye delivered KB. to her parents at the jam last night, it went well. Just got too hot at Jabba's place for me to pick her up. I did get a message from Br. and she was quite pleased, looks like Colinye and KB. are closer then it first appeared.... nice to see someone finding some happiness.
Seems Colinye has signed on with Nicolye's crew. Expected of course, but I wasn't sure he wouldn't set up an independant company... It's good that he's part of Advent, Ltd., 'shipping' is half the battle and honestly something Nicolye isn't that good at. It looks like the corporation will be expanding which is great to see.... I hope that they continue the success but I'm perfectly happy to administer the gallery and let the young guys make the money.
Wow, has it really been a couple weeks? Time flys when you're busy...
At the jam a week before the security crew decided to play a couple of pranks... so I let them have the responsibility as well. It was only five minutes but I walked away. Nothing more than a deathstick break really, but it was nice to see that a few of them recognized what I do provide there. They can handle it without me of course.... which is why I didn't show this last week, I figured one of them would be able to handle it. According to my sources it was a little bit more chaotic than normal, several weapons got past the door, but nobody shot any holes in the wall.I did hear that K. & K. threw down, the sucker punch ended it quickly.... I'm impressed at the restraint, but will have to talk to him later about that.
Per my request Colinye delivered KB. to her parents at the jam last night, it went well. Just got too hot at Jabba's place for me to pick her up. I did get a message from Br. and she was quite pleased, looks like Colinye and KB. are closer then it first appeared.... nice to see someone finding some happiness.
Seems Colinye has signed on with Nicolye's crew. Expected of course, but I wasn't sure he wouldn't set up an independant company... It's good that he's part of Advent, Ltd., 'shipping' is half the battle and honestly something Nicolye isn't that good at. It looks like the corporation will be expanding which is great to see.... I hope that they continue the success but I'm perfectly happy to administer the gallery and let the young guys make the money.
Regret...
Published .
[originally posted 12/6/2005]
Why do I continue to allow the past to determine my future?
Interesting meditation topic. The idea of things is often more powerful then the reality. The subjugation of the force into light and dark is an idea. The reality is that the person using the force and the intent they have at the time is what determines what consequences they pay for using the tool available to them. Selfish, controlling, changing direction of the forces natural tendency leads to higher consequences and more effective action. Yet moving within the 'will' of the force leads to less explosion and more long term sustainability.
So why is it that when I try to find balance and think I've achieved it I find holes in myself? Because growth is not static. There will always be a hole, sometimes filled by the actuality of the 'idea' I think provides a fix, sometimes by something different but just as sustaining and strengthening, if not more so.
It is only the idea of the past that holds power, the actuality of the present and future can be filled by whatever the force provides, it flows, it shifts, it even fills, if one allows it.
I've found one of the holes, and the physical representation of the idea that would fill it before I started down this path.... is available.... but it is unfair to lay that idea over the actuality of the person. And do I even want to fill that hole with some concept of what I wanted when I was younger....
Ghosts.... voices.... His included.... I used to be stronger than this. His voice holds on to every bit of regret or pain that I allow to pass through my mind.
I've gotten rest.... maybe that's the answer. I get rest in it.... but do I deserve that? Am I done repairing the damage I'd done before? Is anyone ever going to be?
Only two more deathsticks in the pack... I need to get to a city.
Why do I continue to allow the past to determine my future?
Interesting meditation topic. The idea of things is often more powerful then the reality. The subjugation of the force into light and dark is an idea. The reality is that the person using the force and the intent they have at the time is what determines what consequences they pay for using the tool available to them. Selfish, controlling, changing direction of the forces natural tendency leads to higher consequences and more effective action. Yet moving within the 'will' of the force leads to less explosion and more long term sustainability.
So why is it that when I try to find balance and think I've achieved it I find holes in myself? Because growth is not static. There will always be a hole, sometimes filled by the actuality of the 'idea' I think provides a fix, sometimes by something different but just as sustaining and strengthening, if not more so.
It is only the idea of the past that holds power, the actuality of the present and future can be filled by whatever the force provides, it flows, it shifts, it even fills, if one allows it.
I've found one of the holes, and the physical representation of the idea that would fill it before I started down this path.... is available.... but it is unfair to lay that idea over the actuality of the person. And do I even want to fill that hole with some concept of what I wanted when I was younger....
Ghosts.... voices.... His included.... I used to be stronger than this. His voice holds on to every bit of regret or pain that I allow to pass through my mind.
I've gotten rest.... maybe that's the answer. I get rest in it.... but do I deserve that? Am I done repairing the damage I'd done before? Is anyone ever going to be?
Only two more deathsticks in the pack... I need to get to a city.
Ghosts, Shadows, & Flames...
Published .
[originally posted 12/2/2005]
The Jam was packed this week, was great to see the advertising continue to pay off and although we had a few weapon slips no real issues happened. I finally upgraded the shields so future jams shouldn't be a problem at all. I'm developing a good secondary crew of people as well to be my eyes and ears.... honestly it's gotten too big for me to be everywhere at once.
I saw Sh---- there this week, she looks better although still tired. She's more secure. The bonds of the force are growing stronger. It seems she's realizing that this is part of who she is and without exploration it will kill her, she'll do something dangerous... like a kid who touches the stove. I just hope she studies it like she did medicine. Although I don't worry that much about her, she'll be fine..... She did mention she saw a remenant, a ghost.... she felt she could touch it through the force.... I don't quite know what that would do to one so new to the journey, I offered her my help of course....
Speaking of ghosts.... the council has resumed deliberations. I didn't find out about it until the day of. Which is fine. I don't consider myself a jedi and don't want the mantle. I need no validation for my journey from anyone. I respect the people involved. I just see the cards falling differently.... they are trying to ressurect the idea of rules, of structure, of order and rigidity. The force flows, it shifts, it's imbued with myriad possibilities and turns and twists. Locking it down to one 'way' is a mistake.... one too many fall into on both sides. There should be no jedi, there should be no 'sith'. There is only the force and the journey.... I know some of those 'masters' involved respect my viewpoint, but I have not been asked to join and will not lock myself into where my path leads..... I don't see a good end to ressurecting one place for those who hate people like us to attack, one source of information, one method... one static unchanging lack of growth.... Change is most effective from within..... I wonder.... but at this point it's moot.
I got a note from D---- She's awakened to what was always there.... surprised at how it brought some things back I thought I was past... I almost looked for something stronger then deathsticks, it was so strong... the flames always touch when you least expect.....and the old ones burn hottest.
The Jam was packed this week, was great to see the advertising continue to pay off and although we had a few weapon slips no real issues happened. I finally upgraded the shields so future jams shouldn't be a problem at all. I'm developing a good secondary crew of people as well to be my eyes and ears.... honestly it's gotten too big for me to be everywhere at once.
I saw Sh---- there this week, she looks better although still tired. She's more secure. The bonds of the force are growing stronger. It seems she's realizing that this is part of who she is and without exploration it will kill her, she'll do something dangerous... like a kid who touches the stove. I just hope she studies it like she did medicine. Although I don't worry that much about her, she'll be fine..... She did mention she saw a remenant, a ghost.... she felt she could touch it through the force.... I don't quite know what that would do to one so new to the journey, I offered her my help of course....
Speaking of ghosts.... the council has resumed deliberations. I didn't find out about it until the day of. Which is fine. I don't consider myself a jedi and don't want the mantle. I need no validation for my journey from anyone. I respect the people involved. I just see the cards falling differently.... they are trying to ressurect the idea of rules, of structure, of order and rigidity. The force flows, it shifts, it's imbued with myriad possibilities and turns and twists. Locking it down to one 'way' is a mistake.... one too many fall into on both sides. There should be no jedi, there should be no 'sith'. There is only the force and the journey.... I know some of those 'masters' involved respect my viewpoint, but I have not been asked to join and will not lock myself into where my path leads..... I don't see a good end to ressurecting one place for those who hate people like us to attack, one source of information, one method... one static unchanging lack of growth.... Change is most effective from within..... I wonder.... but at this point it's moot.
I got a note from D---- She's awakened to what was always there.... surprised at how it brought some things back I thought I was past... I almost looked for something stronger then deathsticks, it was so strong... the flames always touch when you least expect.....and the old ones burn hottest.
Still addicted?
Published .
[originally posted 11/29/2005]
Colinye says she's doing well. Br---- & B----K----- are worried about her of course, but from what I can tell Jabba's depravity has largely avoided her. She's learned some skill with a blaster, according to the guards, and is quite the little healer. I hope her mom is proud of that fact. I'll have Colinye visit again soon, it's doing them all a world of good to be in contact once again.
It's been a busy week, I missed the Jam because I was out looking for Z---- again. She'd holed herself up on Dathomir of course. Interestingly enough she's injected herself with that cursed Liquid Crystal again... I took some to analyze, but I fear for her. I may just have to inject myself to save her this time. It dosen't help that Ky----- has had something happen to him, of course prompted by C--- if my premonitions are correct, it's been so long since I've been able to meditate with the cards... I've hidden her and her child... I'm hoping she stays there until.... well, I won't lock her in.
Last night I was asked by the Miners to help against some malfunctioning droid which was causing life to be difficult, murdering them in droves. I scouted it out and hopefully I can get a crew together to take care of it.... so the cards will have to wait. I wonder if A. has had any luck finding that text.... it might help.... something has to... I'm getting to the point where I could use a hit.... somethings going to break. I just hope it isn't me.
Blackmailed...
Published .
[originally posted 11/18/2005]
Interesting.
Who knew I'd gain some skill by absorbing him? I never really did like holding a saber, it was easier to use my mind to replicate the blaster I know so well... but the voice I added to the back of my head likes it, is showing me how to use it better.... strange.
The Jam was quiet this week, the new Imperial crackdown on pets and liscences slowed things down some, travel restrictions do to paperwork probably hurt as well. But we did have one notable occurance! The debut of a major holovid star as our headliner. N---- did a great job even though she was nervous. I don't think anybody picked up on it.
Br---- and B---- K----- have asked me to deliver a holo message to their daughter... currently serving in Jabba's palace... B----- in particular is very worried about her. I tried to fill her in on what I'd heard and Colinye observed but a mother wants to see for herself. I just hope she dosen't do anything risky... she basically held me hostage and said I was her teacher, like it or not... guess she feels entitled since she named me a part of the family...
First time I've been blackmailed into something I'd do anyway...I kinda like it.
Interesting.
Who knew I'd gain some skill by absorbing him? I never really did like holding a saber, it was easier to use my mind to replicate the blaster I know so well... but the voice I added to the back of my head likes it, is showing me how to use it better.... strange.
The Jam was quiet this week, the new Imperial crackdown on pets and liscences slowed things down some, travel restrictions do to paperwork probably hurt as well. But we did have one notable occurance! The debut of a major holovid star as our headliner. N---- did a great job even though she was nervous. I don't think anybody picked up on it.
Br---- and B---- K----- have asked me to deliver a holo message to their daughter... currently serving in Jabba's palace... B----- in particular is very worried about her. I tried to fill her in on what I'd heard and Colinye observed but a mother wants to see for herself. I just hope she dosen't do anything risky... she basically held me hostage and said I was her teacher, like it or not... guess she feels entitled since she named me a part of the family...
First time I've been blackmailed into something I'd do anyway...I kinda like it.
Rescue?
Published .
[originally posted 11/15/2005]
I recorded the debriefing, I wanted to be able to reflect on it later… But here’s the record.
(unidentified voice) “This is *static* performing the debriefing of Colonel Noelyci Ineucelia, currently assigned to Intel with the *static* concerning his encounter with *static* who is commander of the *static* This debriefing is being conducted remotely due to the extreme exhaustion of Colonel Ineucelia after this confrontation and at his Commander’s request. You may begin Colonel”
B----- called me, told me that C--- wanted to meet, so badly that he had kidnapped J-----, B-----’s wife. I told him to have C--- meet me at the gallery and I was warned it was a trap… But it’s alright, I’d been heading for this conversation for quite some time, C--- just forced the timing…
I rushed to the gallery from across system, I had already handed in my unit id and comm, just in case, earlier that evening, so that it would be seen as a personal endeavor…. Which it was… When I entered Sy---- was standing beside C--- and I greeted them in a friendly manner…. Trying to put them off balance… they were both there with weapons, so I sat down and started talking, on the floor, not a threat at all…
(at this the unidentified voice chuckled) “You’re a threat tied up…” (barely heard on the recording)
I asked them about Ji---- ... that part is a bit fuzzy to me, it was banal, opening moves, nothing to be concerned about and I don’t truly remember it.
First thing I remember is C saying, “I could care less about her fate.” … which I figured was a lie or she’d already be dead at his feet.
I stayed calm and responded, “In that case let's let her go, and have that chat we've been talking about.”
“If my hunters wish to keep the hunt going or not is their choice, not mine.” … Another lie, C--- dosen’t let anything of his go uncontrolled if he can help it.
“Really? Thought you had more command that that..... surprising.... Slipping?” I replied still being friendly, but trying to keep him off balance.
“Why should I stop them from killing, it makes no difference to me if or who they kill, A life lost is a life lost.” This rang true, but he was still talking so I kept negotiating.
“Why do you need them here, I would have met with you anyway, you are slipping.” And I grinned at him.
He asked a truly stupid question which showed he didn’t understand the effects of all his actions from a human standpoint, “Why do you need that gaggle?”
He meant Z----, KY-----, Sh----, Ti---, B----- And the rest who knew what was going on and were about a quarter click away. At the time I was sharing a mindlink with those who were able….
I responded, “I've asked them to leave, they won't, they're afraid we mean each other harm.” I had asked them to leave, I didn’t want their anger tinging my actions, I was there to save C--- and they were there to protect me…. Wasn’t sure both would happen.
Ever the conversationalist C--- responded “That is where we differ then.”
I pointed out the error in his reasoning, “I'm just coming to talk to an old friend, although with Sy---- here it makes two. Plus you assured their involvement by involving Ji.
I say we get rid of the hangers on, go downstairs and have a drink, talk about old times, and the future.”
He again laid blame on other things “They offer me too many pressure points, it's their own fault for not taking proper precautions.”
I tried for a joke, changing tactics briefly, trying to keep him from getting a flow going, “Really, I’ve got this huge knot in my back... wish you could get it out....”, smiling as I said it.
“I don't drink Why not have precious Z---- take care of that for you?” he asked. I still don’t know why he deliberately chooses to misunderstand our relationship.
“She isn't mine, and she has her happiness, which pleases me.” I took a short pause. Then I aimed for his weakness, “So I guess you have no choices, no options, you're worse then a droid then C---?”
He answered relatively quickly, too quickly to see the danger, “My choices are my own still”
“Have to apply pressure, no choice, have no control over your hunters, no choice, have to meet destiny, no choice..... sounds very droidlike to me.... I pity you C---” was my response.
“Having control and exerting control are two different things.” He said.
I kept the pressure on, “Are they? Hmmmm, how would you know if you didn't exercise the option?”
He attempted to switch to someone else I knew, though she was not much of a concern of mine, “J---, she has repeatedly pledged her loyalty to me, and I have repeatedly told her to find someone that wouldn't get her killed to pledge their loyalty to.”
I tried to get him to have Sy---- leave, and to protect Ji---- “Call off the dogs C---, so we can talk freely.”
He rankled, “Telling me to do something isn't a wise move in theis particular topic of discussion.”
“Eliminate all the posturing....You're restricting both our options. *shrug* Hell, you're the one who wanted to talk to me. You'd think you'd want me comfortable enough to talKy-----” I tried for angling at the information he needed.
“Talk? Who said anything about talk?” yet he was talking, so it was working so far.
If he got me to think of this as a fight, rather than a rescue it was over… I couldn’t allow him to dictate my actions, I remained calm, drawing on the link with my family.
I went back to the goodness I had perceived, making him uncomfortable and unsure of himself, “Ah.... well then, youve thought about our last conversation then? Didn't like the conclusion, and now you force yourself to reject it by having your crew around you.”
“Refresh my memorty of that discussion I don't consider Sy---- part of my 'crew' Noelyci.”
“I don't consider Sy---- anything but a friend. But where's Ji.?” I needed to assure her safety before I continuted this.
“In a house on Tat the last time I heard from the seeker droids.” I still was worried…. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t control the people he had under him.
“Ah, my mistkae, thought you'd have her close by.” I tried for another slam to his competence.
“Are you really so foolish?” he attempted.
Problem is I can laugh at myself now, “I don't know, it's possible, What do you think is foolish about me at the moment?”
“Beinon is easily decieved, he was bluffed.” "Good, Glad to see you are still in there somewhere," I appealed to the goodness again, and that was my tactic from thereon out."Deciet has always been a part of my ways.”
“As has mercy,”
“Heh, mercy?”
“You didn't kill me at times you could have, you aren't slaughtering Sy---- though she could rival your power in the force, looks like mercy to me.”
“Our sense of mercy contradicts.You and I fought together C---, you can't pretend too completely with me.”
“How little you know about me.”
He didn’t like this, he thought he’d try to distance himself from me, from the love and care I was wrapping in force and pouring into the room. Something I learned from another friend.
*small pause in the debriefing*(unidentified voice) “If you want to just relate the conversation at this point, rather then your impressions, this might be easer…”
Ky-----. Felt my need through the link and offered strength through the bond B----- did the same through Z---- I kept hammering away, " How much you've forgotten about yourself."
“I remember my old self clearly.”
“O? Tell me.”
He replied, “A weak and whimpering coward with a fool's head on his shoulder.”
I tried again to distract Sy---- “Need a drink?”
“I don't drink” This was actually good, it showed he was focused on me.
“I shrug, Just trying to be a good host.... how about you Sy----?”
Sy---- shook her head and frowned.
“Was it foolish to love?”
“I did not know the meaning of the word until I found Sy----” was his response, although I think he still dosen’t.
“O, good.... Glad to know you've found each other then.”
The link remained active, Z---- pouring out the dance and the talus mountain air with her strength.
That led me to ask, “Was it foolish to care about Z----, if it wasn't love? Or me, or the unit....? Or to see what the tools you've used could do to protect, to preserve?”
“She is weak and incompetant, the unit were uncaring heartless bastards.” Which showed his anger…. And a wedge.
I reminded him that it was a one sided dissolution, “Now, now, you walked away from me C---... Though I've moved to protect, I have never fought you have I? I've always tried to care, though you can be an ass about it.” And I smiled.
He chuckled at me and responded, “You were nowhere to be found back then.”
I nodded, “And for that I'm sorry. If I could have been I would.”
He tried to rewrite things, “And you have inadvertently fought me, forgotten RS so soon?”
I countered, showing him nuances he hadn’t thought of, “I have helped those I care for, I have protected the patrons at the jam, I have never shot you in the back, or the front for that matter.”
His fatalistic response was shrugging and responding, “You should have”
I got to the gambit I had for defeating him, “Maybe, but that's not the act of a friend.”
C--- shrugged his shoulders looking a little lost and in a soft voice said, “We're on opposite sides of a conflict.”
(Unidentified voice) “And that’s when we got the feed from your gallery security… Would you like to see the transcription of it or keep talking?"
[] begin transcript "Maybe, but what is it you pursue," Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. 00:25:26 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "You ever ask for it?"
00:25:47 "I just want to protect my family....", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:26:13 "The threat goes away and we can continue to be friends.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
00:26:20 You agree with C--- .
00:26:29 "You're absolutely right.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:27:07 "So why the big show to get me here?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "Afraid I might be able to? Or still trying to convince yourself that you aren't facing a choice every day?"
00:27:15 "That you're locked in yet in control?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
00:27:16 C--- shrugs his shoulders helplessly.
00:27:16 "Maybe I seek the same thing.", C--- says quietly. "Except I'm willing to sacrifice myself for them."
00:27:46 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "Do you honestly think I mean harm to Sy----? Or that Z----, her sister at one time, does?"
00:28:09 "Neither of you could even scratch her fair skin.", C--- says in a soft voice.
00:28:21 "Then why are you worried?", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:28:50 (quiet) C--- takes a few steps backs and motions towards the pair.
00:28:50 C--- says in a soft voice, "I'm not."
00:29:22 C--- says quietly, "I have faith in her abilities."
He was trying to get me to fight her there, which is something I didn’t want to do so I ignored it, focusing on the rescue, not the fight.
00:29:28 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Then all your trying to do is not to protect is it?"
00:29:49 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "You continue to lie to yourself, to try to convince yourself."
00:29:53 "I give strength to those that are under my care.", C--- says quietly.
00:29:58 C--- says in a soft voice, "Ask her yourself."
00:30:09 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "No need, we all do that, it's called love."
00:30:13 You smile at C--- .
00:30:26 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "It's why we used to fight."
00:30:37 "I give them the power to defend themselves.", C--- says softly. "I don't fight their battles for them, don't cheat them of the growth that conflict provides."
00:30:41 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "And in some ways I believe it's why you still fight."
00:31:22 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "That's honorable, and right. But you know you've gone too far, it's time to choose to come back from it C---.... you still can."
00:31:55 You shrug.
00:32:15 "Why?", C--- says quietly.
00:32:15 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "I find conflict is ever present, with or without someone shielding you, or holding you up."
00:32:28 "As is growth", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
I remember smelling the night air and hearing birds through the support mindlink at that time, it was refreshing to feel exactly what I needed to continue after him.
00:33:00 "What do you seek? Peace?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:33:14 "You hope to find that on your current path?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:33:23 "Peace is a lie. Conflict is ever present in the galaxy.", C--- says quietly.
00:33:29 "Lack of pain? Control?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:33:46 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "What do you pursue so doggedly old friend?"
00:33:48 "I flourish upon pain, my own and that of those that abide within this galaxy.", C--- says, rather quietly.
I began to draw on all the force giving items I had stashed there, as well as the love and offered strength of the family….
00:34:49 C--- shrugs his shoulders helplessly.
00:34:49 C--- says softly, "I means to restructure the galaxy."
00:34:55 "To what end?", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:35:34 You smile at C--- .
00:36:07 C--- says softly, "The eradication of weakness."
00:36:07 C--- shrugs his shoulders helplessly.
00:36:37 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Hmmmm, what would be left?"
00:36:41 "There is no easy way to put my goals into words..", C--- says in a soft voice.
00:36:41 (quiet) C--- trails off, his eyes seem to stare through the wall of the building.
00:36:53 "Try, you know you don't have to use words with me.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:37:23 C--- says softly, "You cannot touch my mind in your present state. He would destroy yours."
00:38:06 (quiet) C--- glances over to Sy---- and jerks his head towards the exit.
00:38:28 "Ahhh....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "So you aren't alone, I thought that might be the case....."
At this point Ky-----. Had to drop the link, later I learned Sy---- was coming for him and he couldn’t remain.
00:39:13 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Fight C---, talk to me without him, you're strong."
00:39:42 C--- laughs at you.
00:39:48 C--- says, rather quietly, "Why?"
00:39:49 Sy---- Luin sluggishly raises a eyebrow and nods, walking out past Noel, tossing an annoyed sneer at him.
00:40:57 "Because, you talked about savrafice for your friends....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "I came here to do that...."
00:41:12 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "But not for my family, for a friend I wasn't there for long ago"
00:41:15 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "You."
00:41:26 C--- raises an eyebrow at you.
00:41:26 C--- says, rather quietly, "You would give your own life?"
00:41:36 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Of course...."
00:41:47 "I have an old comrade to save.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:42:16 "But I can't beat him, without you.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
At this point the good in C--- was easy to reach, so I started to push harder, wrapping the room in love and care for the man I used to know, taking the love of my family from the link and converting it, offering it to him, dividing him against himself. Trying to send him strength for his internal fight....
00:42:51 C--- says evilly, "Stop that."
00:43:08 "Are you ready to be free of him?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm. "You know he's the weakness."
00:43:26 "Help me fight for you C---.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:43:27 C--- says, full of evil, "He has sculpted me into somethign stronger"
00:43:37 "And weaker.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
I pushed even harder, not at him, just filling the room with it.
00:44:15 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "He hasn't sculpted C---, he's taken, Time to take it bacKy-----"
00:44:22 C--- howls evilly, "Stop it!"
00:44:28 "Take back control, take back your life.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
00:44:46 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "*adding in love, showing C--- that noel still cares*"
00:45:28 "We can beat him C---, I know we can.... Help me, take back your life.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
00:46:36 "All you have to do is let me in, side by side, like the old days.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm. "Together."
00:46:45 "Don't try this nonsense on me!", C--- shouts, full of evil.
00:46:45 (malevolent) C--- 's visage seems to pass under a shadow as he quivers in his rage. His face seems to grow much older and his eyes rapdily become bloodshot. A blast of the Force flies from C--- towards Noelyci as he screams.
(unidentified voice) “You got up quickly, force thrown at you?”
Aye, but I pulled on the love I requested down the link and stood up straighter then I was before….
00:47:38 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Ah, then, see, he can be fought."
00:47:50 "Let's go C---, let's get the bastard.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:48:32 (malevolent) C--- hisses through his teeth.
00:48:32 "I will NOT betray my Master, not yet.", C--- says, full of evil.
00:49:01 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "If not now, with someone to help, with someone who cares, that will die to help..... When?"
At that point I was calling out to the part of C--- I could sense, trying to offer him a pathway to help…. To me.
00:49:45 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Come over here and we'll fight him together....."
00:49:47 Sy---- Luin is sneering even darker than before, clenching the hilt of her saber as she walks back in, making no effort to be quiet or sublte about it.
00:49:56 Sy---- Luin blinks in disbelief at you.
00:49:56 Sy---- Luin raises an eyebrow at you.
00:50:07 "When I have gleaned every last bit of knowledge I can from him, and when I assume the mantle of Darth Exuro.", C--- says malevolently. "NOT before then."
00:50:10 "I care C---, always did.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:50:18 (malevolent) C--- glowers in his rage.
00:50:39 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Even when you make it damn difficult, we don't have to like each other to fight together."
00:50:57 "Let me help you destroy him.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
00:51:31 "You would sell yourself over to the Dark Side, as I did?", C--- says malevolently.
00:51:43 "No....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm. "I don't need to."
00:51:44 Sy---- Luin rolls her eyes in disgust at the conversation as she catches back up, absently walking around while playing with her saber in her gloved hand.
00:51:56 "I stand on the sword.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
00:52:38 "What's dark about saving a friend, or fighting tyranny?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
00:52:42 You smile at C--- .
00:52:51 "Things you believe in.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:53:16 "Why should I care about Empires and Republics?", C--- says evilly.
00:53:24 C--- says, full of evil, "They all crumble into decay and ruin."
00:53:45 "The tyranny of your mind is worse then those.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
00:53:54 "...", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "And you hate it. I can feel it."
00:54:08 "Stop avoiding it, fight for it.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "Take it bacKy-----"
00:54:17 C--- says evilly, "That depends on what you define as the tyranny of my mind."
00:54:34 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Stand the fuck up Colonel and fight for the most valuable thing you have, yourself."
00:54:56 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "*still pushing*"
00:55:32 "I said STOP!", C--- howls, full of evil.
He tried to knock me over again, but this time I had no problem standing…. Because it wasn’t him…. It was something else.
00:55:43 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Never."
00:55:47 Sy---- Luin frowns.
00:55:49 "I care about you C---", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:56:03 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "That will not change. (firmly and with certainity)"
00:56:23 C--- shakes his head negatively at you.
00:56:23 C--- says evilly, "You are a fool."
00:56:39 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia comes back with more force, love and concern wrapped force back at C---.
00:56:46 "Maybe, but I'm loyal.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:56:50 You smile at C--- .
Was interesting, Z---- was sending memories down the link, memories that gave me such a solid place to fight from. Because even though I was there to rescue someone, this was definitely a fight.
00:57:22 C--- howls malevolently, "I don't WANT THIS! You say you care, yet you try to force these things upon me!?"
00:58:24 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "I'm not forcing, you can take or not, just wrapping it around you, letting you see the truth of it."
00:58:32 "Devia ATTACKED ME because Sy---- wanted to be by my side damnit Noelyci, I don't WANT to join you again! Not people with that type of character!", C--- howls, full of evil.
00:58:56 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "I don't ask you to join anybody but me C---, nobody else is in here."
00:59:53 (malevolent) C--- snarls deep in the back of his throat and then screams incoherently for a duration.
01:00:26 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia fills the room with care, and the absolute certainity that C--- can do this, if he want's to.
01:01:17 "Stop it..stop it...stop it...Stop it...Stop It", C--- jabbers malevolently.
01:01:23 "STOP IT!", C--- shouts evilly.
01:01:36 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia dials it up.
01:02:09 "Stop what? Telling the truth.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:02:34 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia offers C--- his hand.
01:02:51 "These sensations...stop it...I don't want them", C--- says malevolently.
01:03:17 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "I'm not causing anything other than options my friend...."
01:03:23 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "Ones you thought were gone"
01:03:52 C--- says malevolently, "Ones I don't -want- Noelyci!"
01:04:03 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "Then why are you still here?"
01:04:49 C--- says malevolently, "I don't knoow.."
01:04:49 (malevolent) C--- sounds frantic as he clutches his head in his hands.
01:05:04 Sy---- Luin frowns at C--- .
01:05:32 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Take my hand C---, let's fight together again, against the voice in the back of your head."
01:07:13 C--- says malevolently, "No...no...no no no no nononononono NO"
01:07:13 (malevolent) C--- shakes his head in his hands.
01:07:42 Sy---- Luin frowns as she watches, but has faith in C---, letting him deal with noel.
01:09:57 "I'm here C---.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly. "Your choice."
01:10:34 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "How long it's been since somebody offered this?"
01:10:41 "You can feel I'm sincere.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:11:03 "Never..never..never....never..never......never....I'll never join you", C--- says, full of evil.
01:11:16 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Allow me to join you C---..... In your fight."
01:11:31 Sy---- Luin mutters.
01:11:31 "Leave him alone..", Sy---- Luin says. "And let's leave this place C---.."
01:11:34 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "I need nothing from you."
01:12:05 "I will not subvert you.... I will not control you....", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
01:12:34 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "I will only care for the man I knew."
01:12:55 C--- mumbles evilly, "He no longer exists in that form."
01:13:11 "Maybe, but what's left is still worth saving.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:13:30 Sy---- Luin grits her teeth.
01:13:41 "Nothing is left that NEEDS saving", C--- says, full of evil.
01:14:06 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "The fact you still stand here listening to me, hoping, proves the lie in that statement."
01:14:44 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "You cannot convince me to leave C---, I won't abandon this, you can walk away from it, but then it will be your choice."
01:14:54 C--- says, full of evil, "Be silent!"
01:15:04 "Would taht make it easier?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:15:11 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "To ignore, to lie to yourself?"
01:15:15 "Let's leave.. C---, nothing can be gained from this.", Sy---- Luin mumbles.
01:15:44 You disagree with Sy---- Luin.
01:16:06 C--- says evilly, "I'm not lying to myself....I'm not"
01:16:44 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "So, your choice brother.... Leave, convince yourself that you don't hope. Take the punishment for your quandry, live with the battle, or end it, gain an ally, and be yourself again."
01:18:18 "No...no....no", C--- says, full of evil.
01:18:18 (malevolent) C--- 's face contorts in physical anguish and he clutches at his chest.
01:18:20 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia moves his hand, still held out.
01:19:02 "No to what my friend?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:19:56 (malevolent) C--- seems unable to speak, still clutching and clawing at his chest. He drops down to one knee.
01:20:09 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia lowers his hand, offering to help him up.
01:20:18 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Do you need help C---. Just asKy-----"
01:20:23 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Just take my hand."
01:21:17 Sy---- Luin worry settles in her eyes as she starts to step closer, squeezing her saber tightly.
01:21:35 (painful) C--- doesn't move, whether out of hesitation or physical pain is unknown.
01:22:03 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia clearly makes no move, showing Sy---- he is doing nothing....
01:22:14 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia ... but his hand remains extended.
01:24:57 Sy---- Luin blinks in disbelief at C--- .
01:24:58 Sy---- Luin says, "The hell..?"
01:25:45 "..stop it...PLEASE.....make it stop..", C--- whispers with great difficulty.
01:25:58 "Can I take your hand C---?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:26:07 Sy---- Luin snaps her gaze to Noel.
01:26:07 Sy---- Luin says, "Stop whatever your doing.."
01:26:25 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia is wrapped in an immense amount of power.
01:26:42 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "I'm only talking...."
01:26:57 "...only trying to help a friend.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
01:27:01 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Or two."
01:27:07 Sy---- Luin says, "Bullshit.."
01:27:07 Sy---- Luin sneers at C--- .
01:27:07 Sy---- Luin says, "Your hurting him.."
01:27:14 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "He's hurting himself."
01:27:22 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "Has been for a long long time."
01:27:36 (painful) C--- nods and shakes his head at the same time.
01:27:36 C--- whispers with great pain, ".just...make it stop.."
These are the words that gave me permission, this is where he asked for my help….
01:28:35 Sy---- Luin slowly starts to slide her thumb towards the small activation stud on her saber, clenching her teeth together.
01:28:43 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia Includes Sy---- in the emotion wrapped force hes projecting.
01:29:04 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "You can feel what I'm doing Sy----, I care about you both, that's all this is. Is loyalty and friendship."
01:29:11 (painful) C--- screams in agony.
01:29:28 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia touches C---s twisted claw gently.
01:29:33 "It's alright C---.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:29:40 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "I'm here."
01:29:46 Sy---- Luin seems to be effected much less by Noels efforts for some reason, almost shrugging it off.
01:29:46 "Your trying to twist him to your ways..", Sy---- Luin says.
01:30:02 You disagree with Sy---- Luin.
01:30:13 "I just want my friend back Sy----, you too.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:31:09 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia opens some form of path with the physical touch....
01:31:39 C--- rolls his eyes and they fall back into his skull.
01:31:42 "It's alright C---, I have your 6.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:31:54 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Trust me. (to both of them)"
01:32:29 Sy---- Luin says, "Stop it!"
01:32:29 Sy---- Luin snarls out, more at for what is happening to C---, than herself.. still not really being touched by it.
I told him through a tenative mind linKy-----... "Come on, come over here and we'll fight him together....
01:32:59 "I cannot.... Too late for that.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
01:33:32 "I will not abandon a friend in need.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:34:11 (painful) C--- 's being seems to begin to pass through into Noelyci, whereas a large part of it also clings to C---'s form.
01:34:23 You gasp for air!
01:34:27 Sy---- Luin jams her thumb down over the leather covered activation stud, the blade snapping to life in the air as she watches.
01:34:52 "There, thank you my friend.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:35:22 (painful) C--- falls backwards, his eyes falling closed as he hits the ground.....limp.
01:35:23 You tell C---, '*ms Prepares a place in the back of himself for what he recieved.'.
01:35:37 You smile at Sy---- Luin.
01:35:48 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "It's alright, he's fine.... With me now."
01:36:07 Sy---- Luin her thumb slips off the stud in a moment of shock, the blade retracting as she rushes over to C---'s limp form, bending down to press a hand to his cheek, looking up wildly at noel.
01:36:08 Sy---- Luin says, "What did you do?!"
01:36:08 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "The one responsible can now pay for his crimes."
01:36:27 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Nothing, he chose to save what remained."
01:36:35 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "I provided a means."
I pulled my saber out but didn't ignite it, trying to remain calm.... 01:37:42 Sy---- Luin snarls wildly, her fingers twitching back from C---'s cold cheeKy-----
01:37:42 Sy---- Luin says, "You.. You've almost killed him.. and used that sick side of the force on him.."
01:38:02 "No, I saved him, the shell on the floor isn't C---.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
01:38:11 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "And can be destroyed."
01:39:19 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Stand back Sy----..... It's time...."
01:39:22 Sy---- Luin clenches her teeth, her face contoring through a series of painful emotions, squeezing her eyes shut as she slowly stands back up.
01:39:22 Sy---- Luin says, "You.. Son of a bitch.."
01:39:22 Sy---- Luin snaps her eyes back open, glaring at him with seething hatred.
01:39:22 Sy---- Luin says, "I hope your ready to awnser for what you've done.."
01:39:52 Sy---- Luin says, "Never!"
01:39:52 Sy---- Luin twists her wrist, her saber sprining back to life, held over C---'s body.
01:39:52 Sy---- Luin says, "Don't.. Touch him."
01:39:55 "What is it you think I've done?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:40:15 "You've hurt him.. And are trying to kill him.. that's all I care about..", Sy---- Luin says.
01:40:46 "Alright, fine.... Take him with you, but pay close attention Sy----, the part that cares about you isn't there anymore.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:40:53 Sy---- Luin growls at you.
01:41:06 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Be very very careful....."
01:41:21 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "What has complete control now, isn't what we love."
01:41:22 "He's always cared about me and always will..", Sy---- Luin says. "Watch your back, scum.. I'll repay you one day.. and we both know who would win between us."
01:41:26 Sy---- Luin glares at you.
01:41:36 "Aye, if it came to it.", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:41:37 "You know nothing.. And presume so much.", Sy---- Luin says.
01:41:49 Noelyci Ineucelia says,somewhat depressed, "But I don't intend to fight you Sy----, not the way you mean."
01:42:11 "Perhaps, but what if I'm right?", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:42:18 Sy---- Luin gives him a sick, twisted, grin.
01:42:18 "It'd be the only way, what you just did to him..", Sy---- Luin says. "Wouldn't work on me. Food for thought.."
01:42:33 Sy---- Luin says, "Your not right.. You have but a taste of the force and think you suddenly know everything."
01:42:38 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "I did nothing to him, nothing I don't do for you right now."
01:42:48 Sy---- Luin snorts at you.
01:42:50 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "I know very very little."
01:43:01 "And freely admit it.", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:43:12 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "But I love very very much."
01:43:17 Sy---- Luin says, "Spare me the annoyance Noelyci.. And leave, before I chase you out. You can do nothing to me.. and I will not let you do anything else to him."
01:43:39 "This is my place Sy----.", Noelyci Ineucelia says. "You can leave if you wish."
01:44:11 "Drag the corpse out with you if you must, it's long dead, has been even when it was walking around.", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:44:25 Sy---- Luin narrows her eyes dangerously.
01:44:25 "Then get out of my way and sight.. If C--- wasn't laying here like this, you'd already be fending me off despertly by now.", Sy---- Luin says.
01:44:43 You bow to Sy---- Luin.
01:44:51 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "Be my guest"
01:45:34 Sy---- Luin closes her eyes again, shuddering madly as she deactivates the saber, extending her free hand down at C---.
01:46:03 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "Once your'e past your pain, if you need to talKy-----..."
01:46:25 "..", Noelyci Ineucelia says. "You know how to find me."
01:46:36 Sy---- Luin calls on the force to lift him up, stalking out of the building while floating him along side her.
01:46:36 "I don't NEED to talk.", Sy---- Luin says. "Oh.. and next time I see you or Z----.. I am not.. being so nice.."
01:46:49 "Z---- had nothing to do with this.", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:47:09 "She was with that bastard outside..", Sy---- Luin says. "She has everything to do with this."
01:47:22 Sy---- Luin says, "Next time, I will do more than leave her bleeding on the street.."
01:47:31 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "Don't be misguided in your anger"
*soft sound of sobbing* I did the right thing…… I just hope that I didn’t destroy another….
*end recording*
I recorded the debriefing, I wanted to be able to reflect on it later… But here’s the record.
(unidentified voice) “This is *static* performing the debriefing of Colonel Noelyci Ineucelia, currently assigned to Intel with the *static* concerning his encounter with *static* who is commander of the *static* This debriefing is being conducted remotely due to the extreme exhaustion of Colonel Ineucelia after this confrontation and at his Commander’s request. You may begin Colonel”
B----- called me, told me that C--- wanted to meet, so badly that he had kidnapped J-----, B-----’s wife. I told him to have C--- meet me at the gallery and I was warned it was a trap… But it’s alright, I’d been heading for this conversation for quite some time, C--- just forced the timing…
I rushed to the gallery from across system, I had already handed in my unit id and comm, just in case, earlier that evening, so that it would be seen as a personal endeavor…. Which it was… When I entered Sy---- was standing beside C--- and I greeted them in a friendly manner…. Trying to put them off balance… they were both there with weapons, so I sat down and started talking, on the floor, not a threat at all…
(at this the unidentified voice chuckled) “You’re a threat tied up…” (barely heard on the recording)
I asked them about Ji---- ... that part is a bit fuzzy to me, it was banal, opening moves, nothing to be concerned about and I don’t truly remember it.
First thing I remember is C saying, “I could care less about her fate.” … which I figured was a lie or she’d already be dead at his feet.
I stayed calm and responded, “In that case let's let her go, and have that chat we've been talking about.”
“If my hunters wish to keep the hunt going or not is their choice, not mine.” … Another lie, C--- dosen’t let anything of his go uncontrolled if he can help it.
“Really? Thought you had more command that that..... surprising.... Slipping?” I replied still being friendly, but trying to keep him off balance.
“Why should I stop them from killing, it makes no difference to me if or who they kill, A life lost is a life lost.” This rang true, but he was still talking so I kept negotiating.
“Why do you need them here, I would have met with you anyway, you are slipping.” And I grinned at him.
He asked a truly stupid question which showed he didn’t understand the effects of all his actions from a human standpoint, “Why do you need that gaggle?”
He meant Z----, KY-----, Sh----, Ti---, B----- And the rest who knew what was going on and were about a quarter click away. At the time I was sharing a mindlink with those who were able….
I responded, “I've asked them to leave, they won't, they're afraid we mean each other harm.” I had asked them to leave, I didn’t want their anger tinging my actions, I was there to save C--- and they were there to protect me…. Wasn’t sure both would happen.
Ever the conversationalist C--- responded “That is where we differ then.”
I pointed out the error in his reasoning, “I'm just coming to talk to an old friend, although with Sy---- here it makes two. Plus you assured their involvement by involving Ji.
I say we get rid of the hangers on, go downstairs and have a drink, talk about old times, and the future.”
He again laid blame on other things “They offer me too many pressure points, it's their own fault for not taking proper precautions.”
I tried for a joke, changing tactics briefly, trying to keep him from getting a flow going, “Really, I’ve got this huge knot in my back... wish you could get it out....”, smiling as I said it.
“I don't drink Why not have precious Z---- take care of that for you?” he asked. I still don’t know why he deliberately chooses to misunderstand our relationship.
“She isn't mine, and she has her happiness, which pleases me.” I took a short pause. Then I aimed for his weakness, “So I guess you have no choices, no options, you're worse then a droid then C---?”
He answered relatively quickly, too quickly to see the danger, “My choices are my own still”
“Have to apply pressure, no choice, have no control over your hunters, no choice, have to meet destiny, no choice..... sounds very droidlike to me.... I pity you C---” was my response.
“Having control and exerting control are two different things.” He said.
I kept the pressure on, “Are they? Hmmmm, how would you know if you didn't exercise the option?”
He attempted to switch to someone else I knew, though she was not much of a concern of mine, “J---, she has repeatedly pledged her loyalty to me, and I have repeatedly told her to find someone that wouldn't get her killed to pledge their loyalty to.”
I tried to get him to have Sy---- leave, and to protect Ji---- “Call off the dogs C---, so we can talk freely.”
He rankled, “Telling me to do something isn't a wise move in theis particular topic of discussion.”
“Eliminate all the posturing....You're restricting both our options. *shrug* Hell, you're the one who wanted to talk to me. You'd think you'd want me comfortable enough to talKy-----” I tried for angling at the information he needed.
“Talk? Who said anything about talk?” yet he was talking, so it was working so far.
If he got me to think of this as a fight, rather than a rescue it was over… I couldn’t allow him to dictate my actions, I remained calm, drawing on the link with my family.
I went back to the goodness I had perceived, making him uncomfortable and unsure of himself, “Ah.... well then, youve thought about our last conversation then? Didn't like the conclusion, and now you force yourself to reject it by having your crew around you.”
“Refresh my memorty of that discussion I don't consider Sy---- part of my 'crew' Noelyci.”
“I don't consider Sy---- anything but a friend. But where's Ji.?” I needed to assure her safety before I continuted this.
“In a house on Tat the last time I heard from the seeker droids.” I still was worried…. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t control the people he had under him.
“Ah, my mistkae, thought you'd have her close by.” I tried for another slam to his competence.
“Are you really so foolish?” he attempted.
Problem is I can laugh at myself now, “I don't know, it's possible, What do you think is foolish about me at the moment?”
“Beinon is easily decieved, he was bluffed.” "Good, Glad to see you are still in there somewhere," I appealed to the goodness again, and that was my tactic from thereon out."Deciet has always been a part of my ways.”
“As has mercy,”
“Heh, mercy?”
“You didn't kill me at times you could have, you aren't slaughtering Sy---- though she could rival your power in the force, looks like mercy to me.”
“Our sense of mercy contradicts.You and I fought together C---, you can't pretend too completely with me.”
“How little you know about me.”
He didn’t like this, he thought he’d try to distance himself from me, from the love and care I was wrapping in force and pouring into the room. Something I learned from another friend.
*small pause in the debriefing*(unidentified voice) “If you want to just relate the conversation at this point, rather then your impressions, this might be easer…”
Ky-----. Felt my need through the link and offered strength through the bond B----- did the same through Z---- I kept hammering away, " How much you've forgotten about yourself."
“I remember my old self clearly.”
“O? Tell me.”
He replied, “A weak and whimpering coward with a fool's head on his shoulder.”
I tried again to distract Sy---- “Need a drink?”
“I don't drink” This was actually good, it showed he was focused on me.
“I shrug, Just trying to be a good host.... how about you Sy----?”
Sy---- shook her head and frowned.
“Was it foolish to love?”
“I did not know the meaning of the word until I found Sy----” was his response, although I think he still dosen’t.
“O, good.... Glad to know you've found each other then.”
The link remained active, Z---- pouring out the dance and the talus mountain air with her strength.
That led me to ask, “Was it foolish to care about Z----, if it wasn't love? Or me, or the unit....? Or to see what the tools you've used could do to protect, to preserve?”
“She is weak and incompetant, the unit were uncaring heartless bastards.” Which showed his anger…. And a wedge.
I reminded him that it was a one sided dissolution, “Now, now, you walked away from me C---... Though I've moved to protect, I have never fought you have I? I've always tried to care, though you can be an ass about it.” And I smiled.
He chuckled at me and responded, “You were nowhere to be found back then.”
I nodded, “And for that I'm sorry. If I could have been I would.”
He tried to rewrite things, “And you have inadvertently fought me, forgotten RS so soon?”
I countered, showing him nuances he hadn’t thought of, “I have helped those I care for, I have protected the patrons at the jam, I have never shot you in the back, or the front for that matter.”
His fatalistic response was shrugging and responding, “You should have”
I got to the gambit I had for defeating him, “Maybe, but that's not the act of a friend.”
C--- shrugged his shoulders looking a little lost and in a soft voice said, “We're on opposite sides of a conflict.”
(Unidentified voice) “And that’s when we got the feed from your gallery security… Would you like to see the transcription of it or keep talking?"
[] begin transcript "Maybe, but what is it you pursue," Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. 00:25:26 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "You ever ask for it?"
00:25:47 "I just want to protect my family....", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:26:13 "The threat goes away and we can continue to be friends.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
00:26:20 You agree with C--- .
00:26:29 "You're absolutely right.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:27:07 "So why the big show to get me here?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "Afraid I might be able to? Or still trying to convince yourself that you aren't facing a choice every day?"
00:27:15 "That you're locked in yet in control?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
00:27:16 C--- shrugs his shoulders helplessly.
00:27:16 "Maybe I seek the same thing.", C--- says quietly. "Except I'm willing to sacrifice myself for them."
00:27:46 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "Do you honestly think I mean harm to Sy----? Or that Z----, her sister at one time, does?"
00:28:09 "Neither of you could even scratch her fair skin.", C--- says in a soft voice.
00:28:21 "Then why are you worried?", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:28:50 (quiet) C--- takes a few steps backs and motions towards the pair.
00:28:50 C--- says in a soft voice, "I'm not."
00:29:22 C--- says quietly, "I have faith in her abilities."
He was trying to get me to fight her there, which is something I didn’t want to do so I ignored it, focusing on the rescue, not the fight.
00:29:28 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Then all your trying to do is not to protect is it?"
00:29:49 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "You continue to lie to yourself, to try to convince yourself."
00:29:53 "I give strength to those that are under my care.", C--- says quietly.
00:29:58 C--- says in a soft voice, "Ask her yourself."
00:30:09 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "No need, we all do that, it's called love."
00:30:13 You smile at C--- .
00:30:26 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "It's why we used to fight."
00:30:37 "I give them the power to defend themselves.", C--- says softly. "I don't fight their battles for them, don't cheat them of the growth that conflict provides."
00:30:41 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "And in some ways I believe it's why you still fight."
00:31:22 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "That's honorable, and right. But you know you've gone too far, it's time to choose to come back from it C---.... you still can."
00:31:55 You shrug.
00:32:15 "Why?", C--- says quietly.
00:32:15 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "I find conflict is ever present, with or without someone shielding you, or holding you up."
00:32:28 "As is growth", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
I remember smelling the night air and hearing birds through the support mindlink at that time, it was refreshing to feel exactly what I needed to continue after him.
00:33:00 "What do you seek? Peace?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:33:14 "You hope to find that on your current path?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:33:23 "Peace is a lie. Conflict is ever present in the galaxy.", C--- says quietly.
00:33:29 "Lack of pain? Control?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:33:46 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "What do you pursue so doggedly old friend?"
00:33:48 "I flourish upon pain, my own and that of those that abide within this galaxy.", C--- says, rather quietly.
I began to draw on all the force giving items I had stashed there, as well as the love and offered strength of the family….
00:34:49 C--- shrugs his shoulders helplessly.
00:34:49 C--- says softly, "I means to restructure the galaxy."
00:34:55 "To what end?", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:35:34 You smile at C--- .
00:36:07 C--- says softly, "The eradication of weakness."
00:36:07 C--- shrugs his shoulders helplessly.
00:36:37 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Hmmmm, what would be left?"
00:36:41 "There is no easy way to put my goals into words..", C--- says in a soft voice.
00:36:41 (quiet) C--- trails off, his eyes seem to stare through the wall of the building.
00:36:53 "Try, you know you don't have to use words with me.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:37:23 C--- says softly, "You cannot touch my mind in your present state. He would destroy yours."
00:38:06 (quiet) C--- glances over to Sy---- and jerks his head towards the exit.
00:38:28 "Ahhh....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "So you aren't alone, I thought that might be the case....."
At this point Ky-----. Had to drop the link, later I learned Sy---- was coming for him and he couldn’t remain.
00:39:13 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Fight C---, talk to me without him, you're strong."
00:39:42 C--- laughs at you.
00:39:48 C--- says, rather quietly, "Why?"
00:39:49 Sy---- Luin sluggishly raises a eyebrow and nods, walking out past Noel, tossing an annoyed sneer at him.
00:40:57 "Because, you talked about savrafice for your friends....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "I came here to do that...."
00:41:12 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "But not for my family, for a friend I wasn't there for long ago"
00:41:15 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "You."
00:41:26 C--- raises an eyebrow at you.
00:41:26 C--- says, rather quietly, "You would give your own life?"
00:41:36 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Of course...."
00:41:47 "I have an old comrade to save.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:42:16 "But I can't beat him, without you.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
At this point the good in C--- was easy to reach, so I started to push harder, wrapping the room in love and care for the man I used to know, taking the love of my family from the link and converting it, offering it to him, dividing him against himself. Trying to send him strength for his internal fight....
00:42:51 C--- says evilly, "Stop that."
00:43:08 "Are you ready to be free of him?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm. "You know he's the weakness."
00:43:26 "Help me fight for you C---.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:43:27 C--- says, full of evil, "He has sculpted me into somethign stronger"
00:43:37 "And weaker.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
I pushed even harder, not at him, just filling the room with it.
00:44:15 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "He hasn't sculpted C---, he's taken, Time to take it bacKy-----"
00:44:22 C--- howls evilly, "Stop it!"
00:44:28 "Take back control, take back your life.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
00:44:46 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "*adding in love, showing C--- that noel still cares*"
00:45:28 "We can beat him C---, I know we can.... Help me, take back your life.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
00:46:36 "All you have to do is let me in, side by side, like the old days.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm. "Together."
00:46:45 "Don't try this nonsense on me!", C--- shouts, full of evil.
00:46:45 (malevolent) C--- 's visage seems to pass under a shadow as he quivers in his rage. His face seems to grow much older and his eyes rapdily become bloodshot. A blast of the Force flies from C--- towards Noelyci as he screams.
(unidentified voice) “You got up quickly, force thrown at you?”
Aye, but I pulled on the love I requested down the link and stood up straighter then I was before….
00:47:38 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Ah, then, see, he can be fought."
00:47:50 "Let's go C---, let's get the bastard.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
00:48:32 (malevolent) C--- hisses through his teeth.
00:48:32 "I will NOT betray my Master, not yet.", C--- says, full of evil.
00:49:01 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "If not now, with someone to help, with someone who cares, that will die to help..... When?"
At that point I was calling out to the part of C--- I could sense, trying to offer him a pathway to help…. To me.
00:49:45 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Come over here and we'll fight him together....."
00:49:47 Sy---- Luin is sneering even darker than before, clenching the hilt of her saber as she walks back in, making no effort to be quiet or sublte about it.
00:49:56 Sy---- Luin blinks in disbelief at you.
00:49:56 Sy---- Luin raises an eyebrow at you.
00:50:07 "When I have gleaned every last bit of knowledge I can from him, and when I assume the mantle of Darth Exuro.", C--- says malevolently. "NOT before then."
00:50:10 "I care C---, always did.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:50:18 (malevolent) C--- glowers in his rage.
00:50:39 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Even when you make it damn difficult, we don't have to like each other to fight together."
00:50:57 "Let me help you destroy him.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
00:51:31 "You would sell yourself over to the Dark Side, as I did?", C--- says malevolently.
00:51:43 "No....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm. "I don't need to."
00:51:44 Sy---- Luin rolls her eyes in disgust at the conversation as she catches back up, absently walking around while playing with her saber in her gloved hand.
00:51:56 "I stand on the sword.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
00:52:38 "What's dark about saving a friend, or fighting tyranny?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
00:52:42 You smile at C--- .
00:52:51 "Things you believe in.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:53:16 "Why should I care about Empires and Republics?", C--- says evilly.
00:53:24 C--- says, full of evil, "They all crumble into decay and ruin."
00:53:45 "The tyranny of your mind is worse then those.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
00:53:54 "...", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "And you hate it. I can feel it."
00:54:08 "Stop avoiding it, fight for it.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be. "Take it bacKy-----"
00:54:17 C--- says evilly, "That depends on what you define as the tyranny of my mind."
00:54:34 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Stand the fuck up Colonel and fight for the most valuable thing you have, yourself."
00:54:56 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "*still pushing*"
00:55:32 "I said STOP!", C--- howls, full of evil.
He tried to knock me over again, but this time I had no problem standing…. Because it wasn’t him…. It was something else.
00:55:43 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Never."
00:55:47 Sy---- Luin frowns.
00:55:49 "I care about you C---", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:56:03 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "That will not change. (firmly and with certainity)"
00:56:23 C--- shakes his head negatively at you.
00:56:23 C--- says evilly, "You are a fool."
00:56:39 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia comes back with more force, love and concern wrapped force back at C---.
00:56:46 "Maybe, but I'm loyal.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
00:56:50 You smile at C--- .
Was interesting, Z---- was sending memories down the link, memories that gave me such a solid place to fight from. Because even though I was there to rescue someone, this was definitely a fight.
00:57:22 C--- howls malevolently, "I don't WANT THIS! You say you care, yet you try to force these things upon me!?"
00:58:24 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "I'm not forcing, you can take or not, just wrapping it around you, letting you see the truth of it."
00:58:32 "Devia ATTACKED ME because Sy---- wanted to be by my side damnit Noelyci, I don't WANT to join you again! Not people with that type of character!", C--- howls, full of evil.
00:58:56 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "I don't ask you to join anybody but me C---, nobody else is in here."
00:59:53 (malevolent) C--- snarls deep in the back of his throat and then screams incoherently for a duration.
01:00:26 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia fills the room with care, and the absolute certainity that C--- can do this, if he want's to.
01:01:17 "Stop it..stop it...stop it...Stop it...Stop It", C--- jabbers malevolently.
01:01:23 "STOP IT!", C--- shouts evilly.
01:01:36 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia dials it up.
01:02:09 "Stop what? Telling the truth.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:02:34 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia offers C--- his hand.
01:02:51 "These sensations...stop it...I don't want them", C--- says malevolently.
01:03:17 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "I'm not causing anything other than options my friend...."
01:03:23 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "Ones you thought were gone"
01:03:52 C--- says malevolently, "Ones I don't -want- Noelyci!"
01:04:03 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "Then why are you still here?"
01:04:49 C--- says malevolently, "I don't knoow.."
01:04:49 (malevolent) C--- sounds frantic as he clutches his head in his hands.
01:05:04 Sy---- Luin frowns at C--- .
01:05:32 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Take my hand C---, let's fight together again, against the voice in the back of your head."
01:07:13 C--- says malevolently, "No...no...no no no no nononononono NO"
01:07:13 (malevolent) C--- shakes his head in his hands.
01:07:42 Sy---- Luin frowns as she watches, but has faith in C---, letting him deal with noel.
01:09:57 "I'm here C---.....", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly. "Your choice."
01:10:34 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "How long it's been since somebody offered this?"
01:10:41 "You can feel I'm sincere.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:11:03 "Never..never..never....never..never......never....I'll never join you", C--- says, full of evil.
01:11:16 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Allow me to join you C---..... In your fight."
01:11:31 Sy---- Luin mutters.
01:11:31 "Leave him alone..", Sy---- Luin says. "And let's leave this place C---.."
01:11:34 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "I need nothing from you."
01:12:05 "I will not subvert you.... I will not control you....", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
01:12:34 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "I will only care for the man I knew."
01:12:55 C--- mumbles evilly, "He no longer exists in that form."
01:13:11 "Maybe, but what's left is still worth saving.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:13:30 Sy---- Luin grits her teeth.
01:13:41 "Nothing is left that NEEDS saving", C--- says, full of evil.
01:14:06 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "The fact you still stand here listening to me, hoping, proves the lie in that statement."
01:14:44 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "You cannot convince me to leave C---, I won't abandon this, you can walk away from it, but then it will be your choice."
01:14:54 C--- says, full of evil, "Be silent!"
01:15:04 "Would taht make it easier?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:15:11 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "To ignore, to lie to yourself?"
01:15:15 "Let's leave.. C---, nothing can be gained from this.", Sy---- Luin mumbles.
01:15:44 You disagree with Sy---- Luin.
01:16:06 C--- says evilly, "I'm not lying to myself....I'm not"
01:16:44 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "So, your choice brother.... Leave, convince yourself that you don't hope. Take the punishment for your quandry, live with the battle, or end it, gain an ally, and be yourself again."
01:18:18 "No...no....no", C--- says, full of evil.
01:18:18 (malevolent) C--- 's face contorts in physical anguish and he clutches at his chest.
01:18:20 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia moves his hand, still held out.
01:19:02 "No to what my friend?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:19:56 (malevolent) C--- seems unable to speak, still clutching and clawing at his chest. He drops down to one knee.
01:20:09 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia lowers his hand, offering to help him up.
01:20:18 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Do you need help C---. Just asKy-----"
01:20:23 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Just take my hand."
01:21:17 Sy---- Luin worry settles in her eyes as she starts to step closer, squeezing her saber tightly.
01:21:35 (painful) C--- doesn't move, whether out of hesitation or physical pain is unknown.
01:22:03 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia clearly makes no move, showing Sy---- he is doing nothing....
01:22:14 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia ... but his hand remains extended.
01:24:57 Sy---- Luin blinks in disbelief at C--- .
01:24:58 Sy---- Luin says, "The hell..?"
01:25:45 "..stop it...PLEASE.....make it stop..", C--- whispers with great difficulty.
01:25:58 "Can I take your hand C---?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:26:07 Sy---- Luin snaps her gaze to Noel.
01:26:07 Sy---- Luin says, "Stop whatever your doing.."
01:26:25 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia is wrapped in an immense amount of power.
01:26:42 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "I'm only talking...."
01:26:57 "...only trying to help a friend.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
01:27:01 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "Or two."
01:27:07 Sy---- Luin says, "Bullshit.."
01:27:07 Sy---- Luin sneers at C--- .
01:27:07 Sy---- Luin says, "Your hurting him.."
01:27:14 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "He's hurting himself."
01:27:22 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "Has been for a long long time."
01:27:36 (painful) C--- nods and shakes his head at the same time.
01:27:36 C--- whispers with great pain, ".just...make it stop.."
These are the words that gave me permission, this is where he asked for my help….
01:28:35 Sy---- Luin slowly starts to slide her thumb towards the small activation stud on her saber, clenching her teeth together.
01:28:43 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia Includes Sy---- in the emotion wrapped force hes projecting.
01:29:04 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "You can feel what I'm doing Sy----, I care about you both, that's all this is. Is loyalty and friendship."
01:29:11 (painful) C--- screams in agony.
01:29:28 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia touches C---s twisted claw gently.
01:29:33 "It's alright C---.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:29:40 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "I'm here."
01:29:46 Sy---- Luin seems to be effected much less by Noels efforts for some reason, almost shrugging it off.
01:29:46 "Your trying to twist him to your ways..", Sy---- Luin says.
01:30:02 You disagree with Sy---- Luin.
01:30:13 "I just want my friend back Sy----, you too.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:31:09 (calm) Noelyci Ineucelia opens some form of path with the physical touch....
01:31:39 C--- rolls his eyes and they fall back into his skull.
01:31:42 "It's alright C---, I have your 6.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:31:54 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Trust me. (to both of them)"
01:32:29 Sy---- Luin says, "Stop it!"
01:32:29 Sy---- Luin snarls out, more at for what is happening to C---, than herself.. still not really being touched by it.
I told him through a tenative mind linKy-----... "Come on, come over here and we'll fight him together....
01:32:59 "I cannot.... Too late for that.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm.
01:33:32 "I will not abandon a friend in need.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:34:11 (painful) C--- 's being seems to begin to pass through into Noelyci, whereas a large part of it also clings to C---'s form.
01:34:23 You gasp for air!
01:34:27 Sy---- Luin jams her thumb down over the leather covered activation stud, the blade snapping to life in the air as she watches.
01:34:52 "There, thank you my friend.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:35:22 (painful) C--- falls backwards, his eyes falling closed as he hits the ground.....limp.
01:35:23 You tell C---, '*ms Prepares a place in the back of himself for what he recieved.'.
01:35:37 You smile at Sy---- Luin.
01:35:48 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "It's alright, he's fine.... With me now."
01:36:07 Sy---- Luin her thumb slips off the stud in a moment of shock, the blade retracting as she rushes over to C---'s limp form, bending down to press a hand to his cheek, looking up wildly at noel.
01:36:08 Sy---- Luin says, "What did you do?!"
01:36:08 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "The one responsible can now pay for his crimes."
01:36:27 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Nothing, he chose to save what remained."
01:36:35 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "I provided a means."
I pulled my saber out but didn't ignite it, trying to remain calm.... 01:37:42 Sy---- Luin snarls wildly, her fingers twitching back from C---'s cold cheeKy-----
01:37:42 Sy---- Luin says, "You.. You've almost killed him.. and used that sick side of the force on him.."
01:38:02 "No, I saved him, the shell on the floor isn't C---.", Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly.
01:38:11 Noelyci Ineucelia says calmly, "And can be destroyed."
01:39:19 Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be, "Stand back Sy----..... It's time...."
01:39:22 Sy---- Luin clenches her teeth, her face contoring through a series of painful emotions, squeezing her eyes shut as she slowly stands back up.
01:39:22 Sy---- Luin says, "You.. Son of a bitch.."
01:39:22 Sy---- Luin snaps her eyes back open, glaring at him with seething hatred.
01:39:22 Sy---- Luin says, "I hope your ready to awnser for what you've done.."
01:39:52 Sy---- Luin says, "Never!"
01:39:52 Sy---- Luin twists her wrist, her saber sprining back to life, held over C---'s body.
01:39:52 Sy---- Luin says, "Don't.. Touch him."
01:39:55 "What is it you think I've done?", Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm.
01:40:15 "You've hurt him.. And are trying to kill him.. that's all I care about..", Sy---- Luin says.
01:40:46 "Alright, fine.... Take him with you, but pay close attention Sy----, the part that cares about you isn't there anymore.", Noelyci Ineucelia says, calm as can be.
01:40:53 Sy---- Luin growls at you.
01:41:06 Noelyci Ineucelia says, quite calm, "Be very very careful....."
01:41:21 Noelyci Ineucelia says, cool and calm, "What has complete control now, isn't what we love."
01:41:22 "He's always cared about me and always will..", Sy---- Luin says. "Watch your back, scum.. I'll repay you one day.. and we both know who would win between us."
01:41:26 Sy---- Luin glares at you.
01:41:36 "Aye, if it came to it.", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:41:37 "You know nothing.. And presume so much.", Sy---- Luin says.
01:41:49 Noelyci Ineucelia says,somewhat depressed, "But I don't intend to fight you Sy----, not the way you mean."
01:42:11 "Perhaps, but what if I'm right?", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:42:18 Sy---- Luin gives him a sick, twisted, grin.
01:42:18 "It'd be the only way, what you just did to him..", Sy---- Luin says. "Wouldn't work on me. Food for thought.."
01:42:33 Sy---- Luin says, "Your not right.. You have but a taste of the force and think you suddenly know everything."
01:42:38 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "I did nothing to him, nothing I don't do for you right now."
01:42:48 Sy---- Luin snorts at you.
01:42:50 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "I know very very little."
01:43:01 "And freely admit it.", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:43:12 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "But I love very very much."
01:43:17 Sy---- Luin says, "Spare me the annoyance Noelyci.. And leave, before I chase you out. You can do nothing to me.. and I will not let you do anything else to him."
01:43:39 "This is my place Sy----.", Noelyci Ineucelia says. "You can leave if you wish."
01:44:11 "Drag the corpse out with you if you must, it's long dead, has been even when it was walking around.", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:44:25 Sy---- Luin narrows her eyes dangerously.
01:44:25 "Then get out of my way and sight.. If C--- wasn't laying here like this, you'd already be fending me off despertly by now.", Sy---- Luin says.
01:44:43 You bow to Sy---- Luin.
01:44:51 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "Be my guest"
01:45:34 Sy---- Luin closes her eyes again, shuddering madly as she deactivates the saber, extending her free hand down at C---.
01:46:03 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "Once your'e past your pain, if you need to talKy-----..."
01:46:25 "..", Noelyci Ineucelia says. "You know how to find me."
01:46:36 Sy---- Luin calls on the force to lift him up, stalking out of the building while floating him along side her.
01:46:36 "I don't NEED to talk.", Sy---- Luin says. "Oh.. and next time I see you or Z----.. I am not.. being so nice.."
01:46:49 "Z---- had nothing to do with this.", Noelyci Ineucelia says.
01:47:09 "She was with that bastard outside..", Sy---- Luin says. "She has everything to do with this."
01:47:22 Sy---- Luin says, "Next time, I will do more than leave her bleeding on the street.."
01:47:31 Noelyci Ineucelia says, "Don't be misguided in your anger"
*soft sound of sobbing* I did the right thing…… I just hope that I didn’t destroy another….
*end recording*
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(This blog is a fictional journal of a character from the game Star Wars Galaxies. An MMORPG with a strong roleplaying community. Thanks to all the people I play with in the Sunrunner Galaxy. I couldn't tell this story without you.) Clear Skies, ~Noel
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