~Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
[originally posted 10/1/2005]
I wasn't entirely truthful when I said I didn't dream of little ones anymore. I do. However I just don't see it happening. My abilities are growing. I can feel them growing stronger. The windstorms I create last longer. And the bolts create more ionization in the air. I can stand on my own against one of the demented pickets that plague dantooine. I couldn't do that in the beginning without my blaster.
I'm coming to accept that I am who I am... there's no point in being 'wise' just because I can see the future. I don't need to project something I'm not. Yes I'm no longer pimped out by the Alliance, so I don't need to seek information the old way. But a little harmless flirting to bring a smile to a face or two dosen't hurt either. Life is serious. I don't always have to be. Besides the fact with the decision made I don't have long to remain in this form anyway. We'll just have to have some fun before the confrontation.
I've been playing with this coin that Z had. Trying to figure it out.... see what causes M and C so much trouble with it. It looks rather innocent. I don't know what causes it to create crazyness. It's a tool, like the force, like a blaster. Maybe I'm too pragmatic. I don't know.
But back to family.... I miss mine... the one I never had. Nicolye and Colinye are blood related but not family... T was cute as a kid... learned quick too... but having him back in my life dosen't make me an older brother. Z is family yes, but not the kind that I can spend the rest of my life with....I wonder if it's obvious to everyone that I am still the little boy in the orphanage....? The one who wanted a mom and dad and got into trouble in the streets when he ran away. I hope not. I wanted to hide that for so long.
The weakness exists in me however....I want.
I wasn't entirely truthful when I said I didn't dream of little ones anymore. I do. However I just don't see it happening. My abilities are growing. I can feel them growing stronger. The windstorms I create last longer. And the bolts create more ionization in the air. I can stand on my own against one of the demented pickets that plague dantooine. I couldn't do that in the beginning without my blaster.
I'm coming to accept that I am who I am... there's no point in being 'wise' just because I can see the future. I don't need to project something I'm not. Yes I'm no longer pimped out by the Alliance, so I don't need to seek information the old way. But a little harmless flirting to bring a smile to a face or two dosen't hurt either. Life is serious. I don't always have to be. Besides the fact with the decision made I don't have long to remain in this form anyway. We'll just have to have some fun before the confrontation.
I've been playing with this coin that Z had. Trying to figure it out.... see what causes M and C so much trouble with it. It looks rather innocent. I don't know what causes it to create crazyness. It's a tool, like the force, like a blaster. Maybe I'm too pragmatic. I don't know.
But back to family.... I miss mine... the one I never had. Nicolye and Colinye are blood related but not family... T was cute as a kid... learned quick too... but having him back in my life dosen't make me an older brother. Z is family yes, but not the kind that I can spend the rest of my life with....I wonder if it's obvious to everyone that I am still the little boy in the orphanage....? The one who wanted a mom and dad and got into trouble in the streets when he ran away. I hope not. I wanted to hide that for so long.
The weakness exists in me however....I want.
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(This blog is a fictional journal of a character from the game Star Wars Galaxies. An MMORPG with a strong roleplaying community. Thanks to all the people I play with in the Sunrunner Galaxy. I couldn't tell this story without you.) Clear Skies, ~Noel
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